Yesterday I wrote in my journal notebook by hand so today I can type. I felt the need to directly access that part of the brain that is stimulated by handwriting versus typing. In a way, it seems to me that handwriting is more emotional then typing, typing is more rational. Handwriting accesses the heart and typing accesses the brain. So it does make sense to do them both.
I'm listening to a non-fiction book on CD, How We Decide. It's exactly what I need to be listening to right now, it has the answers to why an addict would decide to use drugs again even if the consequences are dire and life shattering. Cory went back to jail and is on his way to prison for a special rider program. He'll be in prison for six to nine months when he could have been out here relatively free and not in a cage like an animal. But he put down his homework one day, said out loud, "I'm done." And off he went to find meth. He decided he hated Drug Court, that it was silly and not effective, geared toward punishment and not actual help.
The Drug Court system requires participants to surrender, literally lay down and give up all control of their lives, allow themselves to be at the mercy of the probation officers and counselors and under scrutiny at all times. At the same time, it requires them to stand up and decide where to apply for jobs (they are required to work full time), how to get around with no vehicle in a town with poor public transportation, how to make do with living at a shelter with no money at all until some sort of paycheck arrives or a family member or friend slides them a loan that they probably won't ever pay back. And all the while, there are court and legal fines that have to be paid and a rigorous schedule to be maintained filled with drug education classes, AA meetings and curfews. This system would be difficult for someone without addiction issues and fully functioning brains. Hand a system like this to an addict with no help to repair brain function and add threats of punishment for any slips or failures and you have a no-win situation that is akin to torture. I do understand why Cory opted for what would appear to be the harsher course of action. He has a hope that when he gets finished he will simply be on probation, but he still may have to deal with Drug Court when he finishes with his rider program at prison and if that's the case, he will be back to those same issues.
It's that complex action of surrender and take control at the same time that is nearly impossible for most anyone to do. People only surrender when they are defeated or when they fully trust. Defeat surrender has a different energy from trust surrender. People often surrender in religious situations when they come to believe that there is a power greater then themselves and they trust that power to help make their lives more manageable. I got that line straight from Alcoholics Anonymous. Notice that the word 'believe' is in that sentence. Here's where mandatory recovery programs fail. People can't be forced to believe, they have to come to believe or decide to believe. They can be forced to surrender in defeat but that surrender only involves the body and the moment. Unless you break a person's spirit completely, they will always be looking for a way out, some way to escape the situation they have been forced to surrender to.
So that's the dichotomy of Drug Court in Idaho. It's a great way to keep people in action without any actual progress being made. It's the hamster wheel of the legal system. People are employed and trained for any number of jobs to oversee the treatment and management of the hamsters but in the end, there is no way out for any of them. The only way the systems maintains itself is by insuring that the hamsters keep running and never get out. It's a self-perpetuating failure system and someone is making big money on it. I wonder who?
So that's my take on the Drug Court system. I've been nixed permanently from hosting any Drug Court participants in my home. They didn't like my attitude when they came by for a home inspection in January and now I know why. I don't buy into their program and they could tell. I'm not a good influence on their hamsters. The poor hamsters have to comply or be punished so it's best that I stay out of it.
I had a dream a few nights ago where I became an neuro-expert of some kind --- went to school for it and everything, got certified or licensed, had a title. It's true that I've very interested in brains and how they work and how a dysfunction in the brain can cause behavior to change and ruin lives.
Neuropsychology
Yes, that's it! It's a PhD degree and no way would I ever qualify. But I can study into it and see what I can find out. I wonder if addictive behaviors have been studied this way? I'll find out. In the meantime, I'm going to send this book, How We Decide, to Nathan. If he doesn't want to read it or when he finished it, he can send it back to me. I'll keep it in my reference library.- the study of the relationship between behavior, emotion, and cognition on the one hand, and brain function on the other.
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