10:35am Writing Practice 56°/Boise
Another weird sleep night ... slept solid from 11:30 to 4:40am and then awake reading until 7:30, then back to sleep until almost 10am. I thought about getting up but that is such an unappealing idea in the wee hours of the morning where all is dark and silent. I don't wish to get into the habit of that kind of sleep schedule, makes it too hard to get up and go in the morning when I have plans. I know that's seldom the case but still.
I asked Dave at the Vista Building if he would be interested in using my house for his corporate housing business and at first he was hesitant. Too much upkeep on a house verses a condo. But then he thought of one contract he has where he still needs a 1 bedroom place and this would fit the bill, since the back bedroom is mostly an office or child's room. The English call those kinds of rooms a single. I told him my house payment is $768mo and the rest of the utilities would run it up to $900-$950 depending on the time of year and how much water is used and how much heat and air an individual would use. It would be one person staying here from mid-May to mid-Sept. That's 4 months of freedom to go scout options elsewhere. He said he would discuss it with his wife and get back to me. This plan would have me putting all my personal items in storage and renting it basically furnished. I could rent a smaller storage unit that way and then when I come back, it would be very easy to move back in.
Trouble is, I want to leave and never come back. That's the way I feel lately. Yes, this is my home but it's also the last place Stephen lived with me and I'm stuck in that story. I want to write a new story for myself, one that includes love and happiness and maybe even a new family. At least when I'm ready for that, it sound enticing. I've been here 10 years and have not met anyone to even have coffee with. Of course, I haven't been in the right space emotionally to meet anyone but I look around my life here and while it's comfortable, it's also a little lonely. I'm cut off from anyone who might be family to me.
Wow, it's weird that I just wrote that, I don't consciously want a family. I've always wanted time and freedom to do my own thing and now I have exactly that but instead of doing anything, I'm busy whining and feeling sorry for myself. I can feel better if I want to, I can inspire myself if I want to. I can get on with my life at any time and I don't have to go anywhere or meet anyone to do it. If the time comes in a few weeks that I decide to go ahead with a plan to move, I'll deal with it at that time. Whether I rent this place short term or long term, it will all work out. The idea of moving to Ajijic and staying at Hotel Perico for a while is appealing --- the only thing that bothers me is the long drive through Mexico alone. But I'll bet I can do it! If I want to I can.
In the meantime, it's Friday in Boise, Idaho, almost 60° and cloudy but it's supposed to begin clearing and be pretty spring-like for 5 whole days. Maybe I'll get ready and drive to Baker Sunday or Monday. I can leave the cats overnight and stay there if I want to. I need to finish editing the Mexico photos and so I'll sit my butt in this chair and do that, then I'll make Jodie a CD with the pictures. I'll send a CD to Sharon as well as return her SD card. I can get that done today and get it in the mail. I've got a few other things to take care of and then I can take off for Baker on Sunday morning, stay overnight with Jodie, see Connie and Joe on Monday, maybe for breakfast, drop in on Sue right quick, and then head home, be back mid-afternoon. Maybe Pam L would be willing to say hello to the boys Monday morning, just to cheer them up.
OK, well, it's 11:25 and I'm off a here. Wish me luck.
Friday, March 10, 2017
Thursday, March 9, 2017
ELF Emmit and a New Plan
10:35am Writing Practice 52°/Boise
I finished my spiral journal yesterday and decided not to start another one right away. I have this blog to type in and a new blog that needs posts, The Sweet Story of My Stuff, the Practice Happiness blog that now has the domain name pointed to it (I removed the hosting for the main site yesterday, it's now retired) and The Story in Your Face blog. I have things to post in all of them and I'll be able to get to them if I stop messing around with the handwritten journals for a while. Although I do love to sit and write with a pen, it's a lovely feeling.
I bought a new brain-training tool, an ELF Emmit, and I've been using it for several days now. Hard to tell yet if I'm getting any benefits but I'm using the concentration/focus track daily, sometimes twice, once with my morning writing and then in the evening when I'm watching TV. So that's at least 4 hours of training a day. I should be beginning to knuckle down soon. I've also been sleeping really well, although I woke up at 5am yesterday ready to get up but laid there and read a while first, got up at 7:30 and I was up and felt good all day. What I mean by good is non-tired; I had a really down day emotionally. I think I've been suffering from what feels like brain fatigue. I think of things I need to do but the effort to follow through slides off like duck water and I wander off. I'm feeling better in that way but a few more weeks will show me for sure if ELF is helping.
I have decided to move to Mexico in June. I'm tired of America these days, tired of politics, tired of racism and anger, tired of living in a state where the majority voted for and approve of that asshole president. The whole idea of that man sitting in the white house sickens me and now I can feel what so many felt about Obama being president for 8 years. Only I'm not racist, I can just recognize a total moron when I see and hear one. So I believe I'll pack up stuff for storage and wander off to Mexico for a while.
I've been visualizing myself being there and wondering what I would do with myself all day. I think I'll take my bike, although that's a long haul for Sybil to carry Daisy May on her ass the whole way. I would have to bring the bike into the motels we stop at and I would have to stay two nights on the road in Mexico in motels that are safe for my car. I have to figure out about insurance and banking before I truly commit and I need new tires on the car. Otherwise, with some effort in packing and purging and donating, I'm ready to get started.
Although one caveat: if I begin to feel better about staying here and can be productively working on writing and art and be willing to get out and meet people, I'll stay. That's why I bought the ELF Emmit, to see if my feelings might be part of a neuro-issue that can be corrected without moving. If April rolls around and I still have the urge to pack up and go, well then, I'll begin the process.
I talked to Stephanie about the possibility of her renting my house and we didn't get too far in the discussion last night. Olie would need a pet door installed and I'm not at all sure I want one of those cut into my back door. It's a custom door already because of the size and if something went wrong or a change needed to be made, I'd have to buy a whole new door and have it installed. Plus I know she would want new carpets in the bedrooms and a carport. That would cost big bucks and I need my money to take me to Mexico. Although I could add it to my Sears card financing at 4% interest and pay it off with monthly payments while I live cheap in Ajijic. But my biggest concern is, what if I need to come back? Where would I live? I couldn't move her out after she moves in, not until she was ready to move and gave notice. The benefits of having her here are that she would take excellent care of the place but the downside is I would have to commit this place to her for as long as she wants to stay.
It's a possibility that I could prearrange an agreement that if I needed a place to live, I could move into the back bedroom and continue to leave my stuff in storage until a new plan can be hatched. If we liked living together, we could just continue until one of us needs a change for whatever reason and then deal with it as it comes. We sure could live cheap that way! $450 a month each would cover everything. But Rocky would be with me and I don't know if she could tolerate living with a cat. Olie won't be around that much longer, which is why I'm reluctant to install a dog door. We'll have to have another talk as a plan unfolds but I'll wait a bit and see how I feel.
Yesterday was a bad day, I felt so disheartened. Today I'm much better, ready to go clean at the Vista building and get on with my life. And so I shall. Breakfast awaits me.
I finished my spiral journal yesterday and decided not to start another one right away. I have this blog to type in and a new blog that needs posts, The Sweet Story of My Stuff, the Practice Happiness blog that now has the domain name pointed to it (I removed the hosting for the main site yesterday, it's now retired) and The Story in Your Face blog. I have things to post in all of them and I'll be able to get to them if I stop messing around with the handwritten journals for a while. Although I do love to sit and write with a pen, it's a lovely feeling.
I bought a new brain-training tool, an ELF Emmit, and I've been using it for several days now. Hard to tell yet if I'm getting any benefits but I'm using the concentration/focus track daily, sometimes twice, once with my morning writing and then in the evening when I'm watching TV. So that's at least 4 hours of training a day. I should be beginning to knuckle down soon. I've also been sleeping really well, although I woke up at 5am yesterday ready to get up but laid there and read a while first, got up at 7:30 and I was up and felt good all day. What I mean by good is non-tired; I had a really down day emotionally. I think I've been suffering from what feels like brain fatigue. I think of things I need to do but the effort to follow through slides off like duck water and I wander off. I'm feeling better in that way but a few more weeks will show me for sure if ELF is helping.
I have decided to move to Mexico in June. I'm tired of America these days, tired of politics, tired of racism and anger, tired of living in a state where the majority voted for and approve of that asshole president. The whole idea of that man sitting in the white house sickens me and now I can feel what so many felt about Obama being president for 8 years. Only I'm not racist, I can just recognize a total moron when I see and hear one. So I believe I'll pack up stuff for storage and wander off to Mexico for a while.
I've been visualizing myself being there and wondering what I would do with myself all day. I think I'll take my bike, although that's a long haul for Sybil to carry Daisy May on her ass the whole way. I would have to bring the bike into the motels we stop at and I would have to stay two nights on the road in Mexico in motels that are safe for my car. I have to figure out about insurance and banking before I truly commit and I need new tires on the car. Otherwise, with some effort in packing and purging and donating, I'm ready to get started.
Although one caveat: if I begin to feel better about staying here and can be productively working on writing and art and be willing to get out and meet people, I'll stay. That's why I bought the ELF Emmit, to see if my feelings might be part of a neuro-issue that can be corrected without moving. If April rolls around and I still have the urge to pack up and go, well then, I'll begin the process.
I talked to Stephanie about the possibility of her renting my house and we didn't get too far in the discussion last night. Olie would need a pet door installed and I'm not at all sure I want one of those cut into my back door. It's a custom door already because of the size and if something went wrong or a change needed to be made, I'd have to buy a whole new door and have it installed. Plus I know she would want new carpets in the bedrooms and a carport. That would cost big bucks and I need my money to take me to Mexico. Although I could add it to my Sears card financing at 4% interest and pay it off with monthly payments while I live cheap in Ajijic. But my biggest concern is, what if I need to come back? Where would I live? I couldn't move her out after she moves in, not until she was ready to move and gave notice. The benefits of having her here are that she would take excellent care of the place but the downside is I would have to commit this place to her for as long as she wants to stay.
It's a possibility that I could prearrange an agreement that if I needed a place to live, I could move into the back bedroom and continue to leave my stuff in storage until a new plan can be hatched. If we liked living together, we could just continue until one of us needs a change for whatever reason and then deal with it as it comes. We sure could live cheap that way! $450 a month each would cover everything. But Rocky would be with me and I don't know if she could tolerate living with a cat. Olie won't be around that much longer, which is why I'm reluctant to install a dog door. We'll have to have another talk as a plan unfolds but I'll wait a bit and see how I feel.
Yesterday was a bad day, I felt so disheartened. Today I'm much better, ready to go clean at the Vista building and get on with my life. And so I shall. Breakfast awaits me.
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