10:45am Writing Practice 22°/Boise
Here it is, Christmas Day and I've already written in my notebook but this idea compels me to jump in here and write a little more. Christmas has kicked my ass all my life and I'd like to try to track some of them, to remember Christmases I've had and the feelings that came with them. Because no matter where there were, what house, what city, who I was with or what gifts were given, Christmas has never been right, has never felt like the movies we are shown about the true meaning of Christmas. And the stories that came with the holiday, the religious aspects and the fantasy aspects, the trees and ornaments and lights and gifts and decorations have just never fit somehow. What is it really all about and how can I resolve this in my life, in the big picture of who I am after all this time. I'm 63 years old. That means that I've lived through and participated or abstained from 63 Christmases in my life. That's a lot of opportunities to figure out what it's all about, don't you think?
I look out my windows on a day that is so clear and bright, the sun sparkling on the foot of snow that has fallen the last few days, and I can feel a sort of magic, conjured from the habits and beliefs that have formed and informed my life from the beginning. We don't enter life as a clean slate, more like a human sponge soaking up all that is around us. This soaking begins in the womb. As we absorb nutrients from our mother, we also take in her heart beats and temperature, her thoughts and desires and beliefs. A pregnant mother can hide nothing from the child growing within, she shares all that she is on so many levels and most of it is unconscious. When the child enters life and begin the breathe and function and grow on its own, it is already formatted for the life it will enter. The patterns for the life and the structure of the belief system is already in place.
The first Christmas I can remember is when I was 5 years old. My mother had married my step-father in August and she had traveled from Santa Ana, California on the train to collect me from my aunt's ranch in Keating, Oregon, near Baker in Eastern Oregon where I had been living with my little brother, Gerald, for an unknown length of time. She left Gerald there and the trauma of being left behind and abandoned would haunt him for the rest of his life.
There is no holiday from grief.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Sunday Check-in
8:55 Writing Practice 28°/Boise
I finished off my last spiral notebook yesterday and thought I'd get in here with the typed journal for a while and see if I can get some real writing done ... or at least started. In the nine years I've lived here in this house, I've written 28 notebooks (18 in the last 3 years alone) and only 8 notebooks and some loose pages in the 13 years before I got here. So in fact, living here and being stable and staying put has really improved my creative output of pages, at lease on a regular basis.
But for now and the months to come, I'll need to write this way in order to begin to share what I write. This journal is already full of information and ideas --- it's like a whole notebook of it's own or more. Maybe two. This will be my 80th post this year which is dang amazing! Of course, none of it was written with a view to sharing, I just tapped each one out and hit post. But still, this is the kind of writing I'm going to need to do (typing) if I hope to get a book written.
Calendars are mostly sold. I only ordered 60 this year, no reorders, and they arrived perfect and great quality. I'm very pleased! I have 8 left to sell or give away and Gigi has 4 at her shop. Hopefully she can sell them. It's only Dec 11 and I'm almost finished with calendars for this year. Wow! Last week I packaged and mailed all the orders even if they weren't paid for yet. I decided to act on trust this year and save myself the hassle of multiple trips to the post office. Now all I have to do is sit back and await the arrival of checks or deposits into PayPal. Cool, huh? I've received 2 new orders that need to be mailed so I'll have to round up padded envelopes for them or ship Priority for $6.80. That costs me an additional $1.80 each above First Class and for just these 2, it may be worth it. But I do still have 8 calendars to sell, I may be shipping more. Plus I just remembered that I have to send 3 to Botswana. Maybe. The seasons in my calendar are backward to their seasons, they may not like that. Plus they don't have a lot of the holidays that we have. It's hard to say if the previous calendars have been appreciated. Or even used. And it costs me $23 just to ship them. Hummmm. I'll have to see how this all shakes out, I may not send them this year.
I refinanced my house since the last post, my new payment is $685 mo. No PMI! I can continue to pay the same payment and knock 6 years off my loan, although I'll have to ask Mark Onnen to help me figure that out. Right now, I'm saving $128 mo but the interest was going to go up in February and then again a year later. Even without PMI, the payment would have been $843 mo for the rest of the loan. But get this! I've received 4 bonus payments toward principle of $1000 each, that last one arriving just a week before closing on the refi. Isn't that just the coolest? That means I'll be getting that back in a check from Idaho Housing sometime next month, after the dust settles and all fees and balances are paid up. Free money! Evidently that was some sort of incentive added into my modification 5 years ago (has it been that long already?!) for me to make payments on time. But I didn't even know about it, I always make payments on time so they just added those bonuses without me even noticing. I wondered how my principle balance was going down so fast and now I know. I had one last bonus coming next year had I not refinanced but hey, interest rates are going up, now was the time to do a refi before all hell breaks loose in the country. IF Trump takes office, that is ... I still have hope that sanity with prevail somehow and that this sham of a man will be sent packing.
OK, what's next. It's sheet-wash day and I just put the wet sheets into the dryer. I'm using a flannel on the bottom and a cotton for a top sheet, along with my heater blanket. It's perfect! I've been sleeping very good all week and waking just after 7am and not falling back to sleep after I take my ASEA and go back to bed. I do my breathing and stretching and have the ball under my neck a while and then get up. Also, I've not felt the need for a nap in weeks, not sure why. I seem to happily putter around my day getting stuff done or sitting on the computer. I still have Ray's zoo book to finish and Jodie's book, before I can start my own photo book project. I'm going to use my Practice Happiness calendar photos to make a photo book and write something for each practice. I have an idea it will be cool but I'll have to do one and see. That's what I'll be working on in January and February. Right now I can get a deal through Snapfish and I don't know what it will cost after the 1st but I'm going to make one and maybe use it to send to publishers. Surely there's a market for a book like that. Plus it all depends on what comes as I write it.
Oh well, off I go to work on Ray's book. I moved the laptop into the living room again last night. This seems to be where I sit to work online and create stuff so I'll just go with it. I sat right here for hours on end and designed the calendar this year as well as last year. This must work for me --- pain-free creating in a soft chair with good back support. I can dig it.
I finished off my last spiral notebook yesterday and thought I'd get in here with the typed journal for a while and see if I can get some real writing done ... or at least started. In the nine years I've lived here in this house, I've written 28 notebooks (18 in the last 3 years alone) and only 8 notebooks and some loose pages in the 13 years before I got here. So in fact, living here and being stable and staying put has really improved my creative output of pages, at lease on a regular basis.
But for now and the months to come, I'll need to write this way in order to begin to share what I write. This journal is already full of information and ideas --- it's like a whole notebook of it's own or more. Maybe two. This will be my 80th post this year which is dang amazing! Of course, none of it was written with a view to sharing, I just tapped each one out and hit post. But still, this is the kind of writing I'm going to need to do (typing) if I hope to get a book written.
Calendars are mostly sold. I only ordered 60 this year, no reorders, and they arrived perfect and great quality. I'm very pleased! I have 8 left to sell or give away and Gigi has 4 at her shop. Hopefully she can sell them. It's only Dec 11 and I'm almost finished with calendars for this year. Wow! Last week I packaged and mailed all the orders even if they weren't paid for yet. I decided to act on trust this year and save myself the hassle of multiple trips to the post office. Now all I have to do is sit back and await the arrival of checks or deposits into PayPal. Cool, huh? I've received 2 new orders that need to be mailed so I'll have to round up padded envelopes for them or ship Priority for $6.80. That costs me an additional $1.80 each above First Class and for just these 2, it may be worth it. But I do still have 8 calendars to sell, I may be shipping more. Plus I just remembered that I have to send 3 to Botswana. Maybe. The seasons in my calendar are backward to their seasons, they may not like that. Plus they don't have a lot of the holidays that we have. It's hard to say if the previous calendars have been appreciated. Or even used. And it costs me $23 just to ship them. Hummmm. I'll have to see how this all shakes out, I may not send them this year.
I refinanced my house since the last post, my new payment is $685 mo. No PMI! I can continue to pay the same payment and knock 6 years off my loan, although I'll have to ask Mark Onnen to help me figure that out. Right now, I'm saving $128 mo but the interest was going to go up in February and then again a year later. Even without PMI, the payment would have been $843 mo for the rest of the loan. But get this! I've received 4 bonus payments toward principle of $1000 each, that last one arriving just a week before closing on the refi. Isn't that just the coolest? That means I'll be getting that back in a check from Idaho Housing sometime next month, after the dust settles and all fees and balances are paid up. Free money! Evidently that was some sort of incentive added into my modification 5 years ago (has it been that long already?!) for me to make payments on time. But I didn't even know about it, I always make payments on time so they just added those bonuses without me even noticing. I wondered how my principle balance was going down so fast and now I know. I had one last bonus coming next year had I not refinanced but hey, interest rates are going up, now was the time to do a refi before all hell breaks loose in the country. IF Trump takes office, that is ... I still have hope that sanity with prevail somehow and that this sham of a man will be sent packing.
OK, what's next. It's sheet-wash day and I just put the wet sheets into the dryer. I'm using a flannel on the bottom and a cotton for a top sheet, along with my heater blanket. It's perfect! I've been sleeping very good all week and waking just after 7am and not falling back to sleep after I take my ASEA and go back to bed. I do my breathing and stretching and have the ball under my neck a while and then get up. Also, I've not felt the need for a nap in weeks, not sure why. I seem to happily putter around my day getting stuff done or sitting on the computer. I still have Ray's zoo book to finish and Jodie's book, before I can start my own photo book project. I'm going to use my Practice Happiness calendar photos to make a photo book and write something for each practice. I have an idea it will be cool but I'll have to do one and see. That's what I'll be working on in January and February. Right now I can get a deal through Snapfish and I don't know what it will cost after the 1st but I'm going to make one and maybe use it to send to publishers. Surely there's a market for a book like that. Plus it all depends on what comes as I write it.
Oh well, off I go to work on Ray's book. I moved the laptop into the living room again last night. This seems to be where I sit to work online and create stuff so I'll just go with it. I sat right here for hours on end and designed the calendar this year as well as last year. This must work for me --- pain-free creating in a soft chair with good back support. I can dig it.
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