Monday, December 25, 2017

Early Christmas evolution, Personal

 10:20 am                       Villa 36/Ajijc

I've already done my writing in my spiral this morning but this idea keeps coming up so I better write it down. I woke up a little before 6am and failed to get back to sleep, although I tried. As I lay there, memories of Christmases past kept floating up and I got the idea to write my own Christmas evolution, how I ended up quitting Christmas and how that has affected me.

Today is my 64th Christmas and I've only celebrated a portion of them. My parents became Jehovah's Witnesses when I was 12 and that 12th Christmas was my last for quite some time. But I'm getting ahead of myself and really should start at the beginning. Or at least the beginning I can remember.

1958. I was 5 years old when my mother married Richard Van Roekel and he became my step-father. I didn't meet him until a few months after they were married but I loved him instantly. We lived in Southern California (not sure of the city) and we had an apartment. I remember the Christmas tree there as my first one and it was magnificent! The lights were magical and it was covered in silver icicles, the kind no one uses anymore. Photos were taken in front of the tree but I only remember mom and dad in their individual photos but I must have been in one, too. Gerald didn't live with us that first holiday, not sure when he was retrieved from Auntie Jan and brought down from Baker but I do remember resenting him somewhat. Selfish little thing that I was, I enjoyed the attention of being the only child after being shuffled around with so many cousins for the years before that.

After that first Christmas, I didn't have another really memorable one until we moved into our big house on Geneva Lane in Garden Grove. Mom bought a fake tree made of silver tinsel and it had a light with a round rainbow that rotated and made the tree turn different colors. I think the only decorations were blue bulbs. It was weirdly pretty and we all like it. That tree lasted for the two years we lived in that house.

I remember those two Christmases well. The first one there in 1962, I woke up with big red circle marks on the inside of my knees. Why I remember that, I don't know. I had asked for a typewriter but got a camera instead, something I had not asked for and didn't know I wanted. I loved that thing! I also got a watch with a heart-shaped face. I still have the watch but it hasn't worked in almost 50 years. Later that day, we drove to relatives and had more Christmas. Auntie Colleen gave me a little doll that I just loved, her face was so beautiful. The next year, 1963, President Kennedy had just been shot the month before but we still managed to have Christmas. I had asked for a typewriter again but got a transistor radio that I loved since the Beatles had just come onto the scene. Also, I believe that's the year Barbie showed up. I only ever had the one.

The summer of 1964, we upped stakes and moved to Baker, Oregon, a move that was devastating to me in so many ways. I started 6th grade at Brooklyn Elementary just after Labor Day and sometime in October, the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on our door while I was at school and when I arrived home, Mom was all excited about studying the Bible with those fools ... I mean, those people ... again. I say again, because she had been hooked into them a few years before for a while, before we moved into the house on Geneva Lane. Maybe that's why I don't remember Christmas 1961. We must not have had one and may have even gotten rid of all the former decorations. A good reason the start over with a new tinsel tree and a new look entirely. When I got home from school that day in Baker and heard the news that we were going to be JW's again, my heart sank. I may have even gone to my room and cried.

Religion not withstanding, we got our last holiday season in 1964 with Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Just before Halloween, Gerald and I had gone to York's market (which is still there, by the way) and in addition to the bits of candy I bought, I got a set of wax teeth that I imagined Dad putting in his mouth and mugging around at us. So vivid was that image, I can still see it in my mind's eye as if it actually happened in the kitchen of our old house of Baker Street, now long gone.

We had a real tree for Christmas that year and it was so beautiful but strangely overshadowed by the beliefs that were coming. I was very excited for that Christmas but didn't bother to ask for a typewriter. Instead, I wanted an Easy-Bake Oven so I could make my own little cakes. I hunted the house daily after school wanting to find evidence that the thing I asked for was to be mine until I actually found it in the laundry room one day, stashed between the washer and dryer. I was able to contain myself until Christmas but the let-down was awful and as much as I had wanted the gift, I never fully enjoyed it. Many years later when Christmas was resumed, I never wanted to have even a hint at what my gifts might be and I got so bad later in my marriage to John that if he guessed what was in the box, I unwrapped and returned it.

But that's a story for next time. As I look over what I've written today, I realize that I only have memories of four Christmases in my young life before religion took them over. How sad. I'll see if I can get more of the story later today.

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Getting caught up on my life

11am                                         Villa #6/Ajijic                             68°

Sunny, cool and gorgeous this morning in Mexico. It's been a while since I posted but yes, I'm still here and still happy about it. The Villas del Sol is a perfect place for me to live --- a lovely, small community where we all like each other and watch out for each other. This may be the best place I've ever lived. I feel connected and included and at the same time, I have plenty of privacy and alone time, all I could want.

I'm busy all the time and yet I don't get much done. No book yet, nothing concrete to point to and say, yep, I'm doing that. I taught a beginners watercolor class a few weeks ago and it was great fun but a lot of prep work. I've been watching watercolor tutorials on YouTube and I even got inspired enough to try a project of my own but I haven't finished it. I plan to get it out again and practice glazing to darken and deepen the colors but I doubt it will be frame-worthy when I finish with. But the point is, I'm painting again and that's amazing!

I met some new friends and next week we're going into Guadalajara to get paper and art supplies and I'm very excited to spend time with them. Both are photographers and very creative and active --- just the kind of friends I've been wanting in my life! One is married and does card readings and the other in a lesbian with no partner and a very amazing photographer with high-end equipment. She's also very attractive. I may be bi-curious enough to be open to see where life takes me in that direction. I haven't kissed a girl in years but then I haven't kissed a man, either. Anyway, who knows. I opened the door for Mike Ogden and he failed to walk in. Maybe it's not a man I want in my life, maybe a woman with similar interests would be just the ticket. So anyway, there's that idea.

I'm open to life and new experiences. I welcome creative people, active people who are alive in their own lives. I'm ready to step out and join them now.

I want to go to the beach sometime this winter. Manzanillo. And then next May, I want to go to Mazamitla on the other side of the lake and up in the mountains while it's hot over here. I'd love to take a drive over there and check it out, it's close enough for a day trip but I don't want to go alone. Maybe some neighbors would go if I ask and make a plan. I'll bet they would. It would be wonderful to have someone to go to these places with. I don't speak Spanish well enough to get by on my own.

OK, that's it for the day. I spent some of my writing time exploring the Internet for places to stay in Manzanillo and Mazamitla, as well as San Juan de Alima south of Manzanillo, and all options look great. Now to save enough money to get a vacation at both the mountains and the beaches. Heaven, I say! What a great life I have developing here!

I forgot to mention that I bought a condo in Boise in September, Janna's place on Irving Lane, and she's the tenant and will be for a while. I have to use it as my primary residence for two years and after that, it can become a rental property. I may or may not ever move back for real but for now, this gives me an investment and a home, if I need one, and I like that. Much better then having my money just lay around in a bank somewhere. With the addition of the condo to my portfolio, I'm not able to save as much money as I was. Plus I've been spending a little too much but have knocked that off the past week. I bought some bedding and a gel mattress pad that has made my life wonderful! I won't be without one of those ever again, so that was money well spent. I'm still managing to save a little each month and will continue to do so. I'll need new carpet and paint when I move in up there and I want to have cash for that. Also, I will need a new vehicle and that may be a good reason to stay here. I would like an SUV-type that I could take camping and on trips. A Subaru Forester would fit the bill but not the budget so I'll have to see how much I can save toward that as I go along here, too.

OK, this is really it now, I'm hungry and must go eat. At least I got caught up a little on here.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Writing Circle: Getting Small, Going Deep

9:45am                          Villa #6 / Ajijic                                      64°

Today is writing circle except it started raining a few hours ago, thunder and lightening and then a steady downpour afterword. It just stopped but it's too cool and damp to sit on the terrace where we write at the Lake Chapala Society. I don't have to go every week, I can go every other week if I want. I always enjoy it and am endlessly amazed at the writing that comes out of me in that setting. I've only been three times so far and each time I get a piece that I'm happy to read and share. The first two were about Stephen and what happened to him and to me afterword but last week I got a good, positive one about photography. I should type it out here just to see how long it takes to type one up.
______________________________________________________________________________

The prompt: Imagine looking at something very small ... then see it large and enter that landscape. Where are you?

Things looks very different depending on where you are in the picture. A bug on a flower petal, no bigger than the head of a pin, has a very different view of the world than I do while I observe him. How, I often wonder, did the bug get there? Where did it come from? Why that flower in that location? Is it the same random chance that we meet, as random as passing a stranger on the street? If I wasn't looking so closely, I would never have seen that bug and by the same token, I pass people on the street without seeing them either. What am I missing?

These are the things I ponder as a photographer. I feel like I don't really see anything until I have my camera in my hand. I can't explain how my perceptions shift, almost like I have a special film that comes over my eyes that alters and enhances the light on things. Photography is all about light but it's also all about the willingness to look at the world at the world deeply, drink in every detail, shadow, leaf and reflection.

Life is a lake and the camera is a diving board.

I've played with cameras all my life but didn't get a digital camera until 2011. By the next summer, I had saved up enough money to buy a big girl camera, a Canon Rebel T3, and that same year I planted sunflowers all over my yard for the first time. As they grew, I learned about my camera, experimenting with settings and then uploading the shots into my laptop. I found an editing program online, one that was free and easy to use, and I began to learn how to alter my shots. My mother had died that year in May and having a whole new world of photography to step into was a soothing balm to my grief.

The fun really started when the sunflower blooms began to open up. 21 of the seeds I had planted grew and my front yard became a wonderland of 6 to 10 foot tall sunflowers with heads the size of platters. I went out to photograph them at all hours of the day --- I got morning light with hazy skies, afternoons hot with intense blue skies, and evenings just before sunset, the sun setting through the huge petals and leaves.

And the insects! Turns out that sunflowers need insects to unlock the secrets hidden in their cores. The winged creatures perform a sort of worship service, an ecstatic dance on the face of the flower, around and around starting at the outer edges, working their way into the center. And when they are finished, the look of the sunflower has been transformed as the spiral weaving now become seeds.

The sunflower takes two months to grow from seed to to mature plant. Two crops in a season can be grown easily or even three, as I proved the following year. I had sunflowers growing from April through October that year and I never tired of the process, watching them as they lived their lives through the lens of my camera.

It's been a few years now and I don't take my camera out as often as I did. Seems like that world through the lens was a way to leave my world, the one in my head, and step into Wonderland. Just like Alice found, the trip was confusing and colorful and the ponderings that I came away with took me deeper into life in a way I never imagined. Photography taught me how to see, how to alter reality through editing and choose where to focus my eye. Go ask Alice when she was just small.

____________________________________________________________________________

OK, that's it. 629 words in about 40 minutes straight at writing circle. Now that I've got it captured onto the the computer, I can see where it could be improved and expanded. That kind of writing has value and I should plan to go at least twice a month.

The sun came out at 10:10, just as the circle began their writing. Dang. I guess I'm being told not to let the weather fool me, just go anyway next time. And so I shall. But at least I've been productive this morning and got this piece copied.

That's it for today. Good job!

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Moved Again ...

10:36am                                    Villas del Sol #6                                68°


I know, I declared my love for Hotel Perico in my last post and I meant it at the time. And then the rains came and that presented several issues. 1) It got really humid in the unit, especially in the screen room that I used as a living room and office. I was worried about my computers and printer sitting in the humidity, I was pretty sure it wasn't good for them. 2) There was a square skylight in the bedroom and the booming thunder and pounding rain were magnified in that spot like a drum.It was hard to sleep through. Those were the two biggest issues and after that, all the smaller issues got bigger and soon I was wishing for a move.

I found a place quite by accident. I kept seeing a sign, Condo for Rent, in front of a place in Ajijic, just west of town, right next to the Casa del Waffle, and finally one day I impulsively turned in and decided to check it out. Well! As I drove through the arched and gated entrance, I felt like I was driving onto Maui! The driveway was smooth and there was a gorgeous if aging pool area on the left with a view of the mountains behind. Palm trees. Very tropical looking. All very clean and neat. I parked my car and walked up the drive looking for someone to help me and along comes a Mexican man who spoke pretty good English and he grabbed the key and took me to see the place that was available.

He showed me a little house with one bedroom, furnished comfortably, and explained that the rent of $700 included everything except electric. I told him I had a cat and he was fine with that. Then I asked if any other units were available and he pointed to one behind a little bit, up off the driveway, and said that one would be available soon, the woman was moving out over the weekend. I thanked him and went back to Hotel Perico to think it over. I made a list of pros and cons the next morning and even though it was a close call, the benefits to moving outweighed the affordability of staying put. In addition to everything else, I can walk to places from here. I can walk clear to the lake from here, if I want to.Also, if I want to sign a year's lease, the rent goes down to $620 mo. I can afford that.

So on July 14, a Friday, I began packing up to move and by the end of that day, I had almost everything moved to the new place. Rocky and I spent the first night here that night and he went to the far side of the bed and wouldn't look at me. He was mad! I guess I should have told him we were moving. Next time I will.

I went back the next day, Saturday, just to pack the remainder and take a shower and eat breakfast. Then Sunday I spent the day unpacking and organizing and by the end of the day I was all set. I love that I can completely move from start to finish in three days! I continue to tweak the organization here but I'm comfortable and this is a good place. I've been going to the pool and getting to know the neighbors. Time will tell if I feel like staying here longer then my short lease to the end of October. There's another neighborhood I like but this complex has a lot to offer and I feel safe and cared for here. If I needed help, I would get it right away.

So that's where I am so far in this Mexico journey. Rocky is doing fine. I take him out in his cage with me on Mondays while the housekeeper is here. Last week we went down to the restaurant at the end of Colon right on the Malecon and that was good. Yesterday we went to Cafe Negro and somehow his cage fell off the chair I had him on and landed on its top down a few stairs. Holy Cow! I imagined the cage door popping open and Rocky dashing out and into traffic and my heart almost stopped. But he was fine, none the worse for wear. I ordered a new cage, one with wheels, it will arrive next week. In the meantime, a gal on FB gave me a rolling cage that can also be a backpack. It was dirty but free, so I cleaned it up and I took Rocky to the pool for a visit with the neighbors for a while. He did just fine. I think he likes to go and see new things. I think he's getting bored around here, nothing to do and no friends to lay around with.

Right now, he's sitting behind me on the back of the couch looking out the window. We got up late --- I read too long last night and didn't get the light off until after 1am. But what the hell, it's my life and I'm free and clear to do whatever I want to do! So far in my Mexico adventure, I haven't done anything productive but I have calmed down and settled in pretty well. Except for the bombs (Mexican fireworks) that go off at random times and for festivals I know nothing about, this is an ideal place and I'm not at all sure I could do better.

OK, that's it for today. I actually started this post a few days ago and then walked away. I still have lots to do for my other blog but am finding it easy to do nothing around here. Or very little. Today I have to wash my hair right after breakfast and then there's a party this evening before Karaoke. Tomorrow I start a water aerobics class and Thursday is Writing to a Prompt at 10am. Friday is the writers group meeting at 10am and I have to pick up my Residente Temporal card at INM before 1pm. So I have a full life here with plenty to do and yet plenty of time relax and read and rest. I'm not thinking very much these days, which might be just what I needed.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Life in Mexico

11:30am                                     Hotel Perico                                          70°

I've been here four weeks tomorrow and I'm all unpacked and need to clean house already. Rocky is laying next to me on this rattan sofa in the screen room we use as a living room/office. I have another blog that I'm using to update the travel and have completed the first three days but still need to write the drive through Mexico, which took me four full days with three motels along the way. 1100 miles is all it was but I needed all that extra time, I had never driven in another country before but I made it just fine and have been happily ensconced here at Hotel Perico ever since. (check www.learningtolivefarfromhome.blogspot.com for trip details )

I thought I was just going to stay here at the hotel temporarily until I found a house to rent but the evening I arrived, I walked in and sort of fell in love. Turns out this one bedroom apartment is just right for Rocky and me and we love it here. It's all pretty rustic but totally charming as well. I have a big bedroom that used to have a king-sized bed, a really hard one, and now has a rather soft queen bed. I've unpacked my car and hung up my clothes, got all my supplies put away and have plenty of room to stay here for as long as I want. I have kept an eye out for houses and I've looked at one but I didn't like it. Turns out I'm tired of taking care of a house, I want a simple life in an easy-to-take-care-of place. I call this unit my "cavita" because it reminds me of a cave built into the hillside somewhat. I don't have an outdoor sitting area but then I don't need one right now. Rocky can't go outside yet and I spend my time in here with him when I'm not running around town. I park my car under a palm tree across the drive from my unit and there she sits most of the time. So I've arranged to be able to stay here in #10 for as long as I want for $425 a month or actually 8000 pesos, whose value fluctuates daily but is roughly $444 today. I don't mind, Jan and Tom are great and work hard here, I'm safe and comfortable and above the crowds and noise down in town.

Hotel Perico is built on a bluff with views of the lake and surrounding areas. It's got lush gardens, a big soccer field and a pool and terrace area. From here I can easily drive into Ajijic on the left or Chapala on the right, each taking about five minutes to arrive. In so many ways this is the ideal location and situation for me right now ... no commitments other than a month to month rental and a verbal promise to give 30 days notice when I decide to move. No deposits, no hassles, really, this place is just what I needed! I figure I can live here on a budget of about $1000US a month and save $1700 a month of my income and still live well.

$1000US = 17,000 pesos (approx)

8000p rent
1200p gas and car needs
2800p food and spending money
12,000p total with 5000p for side money, savings, and whatever comes up.

I've begun keeping a notebook accounting of the pesos I spend and what I buy just so I can get a handle on dealing with pesos and the conversion rates. I seem to go Walmart twice a week or more to get bottled water and food items I like to keep stocked up on but I may ease up on that if I start going to the markets for my food.

My second night here I got violently ill with an acid stomach, diarrhea and vomiting. Probably the sickest I've ever been with food issues and it was horrible! It took several days to recover and I slept a lot that first week. I have great neighbors here, two American women and a Canadian couple, all residents. They all know each other really well and although they're friendly to me, I'm not a part of their group. They do things together and they don't invite me. I think they can tell that I'm not wanting to buddy up yet but it's still good to know they're around and I love to hear them chatting with each other outside.

I've joined a few groups, the Lake Chapala Society, a Writing-to-a-Prompt group that meets on Thursday mornings each week, and I go to Mama's Place for karaoke on Tuesdays and Fridays, although I plan to cut back to just Tuesdays from now on. There's a writer's group that meets in Ajijic on the first and third Friday mornings and I'll be attending that as well. So far I've gotten some journaling done several times a week but haven't sorted myself out enough to begin a real writing project. That's one of the reasons I decided to type in this blog/journal today, to try to sort out a schedule that will include time to write. I'm ready to get started, it's been almost four weeks and I feel like I'm living in a writer's retreat space, so I feel urged to get on with it.

Today I have to clean house and shower and wash my hair since I didn't do it yesterday. I went to a play at The Naked Stage in the afternoon to show support for a new gay friend I met at karaoke last week, Don. I've been taking care of myself, staying organized and eating good food, stretching each morning before I get out of bed and I bought interlocking mats for floor stretching. It's very dusty here and I could dust and sweep every day and still not keep up with it but today I'm going to really clean and dust and mop plus clean the bathroom. All told, it should take about an hour.

In many ways, I'm surprised at how much I like it here and how good I feel about this move. So far, no homesickness, to regrets, no missing of anything except the one person I can't get to on this Earth ... Stephen. I well up some over him still and I've told people about him and what happened to him and I wrote a great piece at the writing meeting last Thursday that may become the basis for the introduction to his story. All in all, I don't think I could be doing any better and I'm happy to report that Rocky is doing fine as well. I hope he can go outside at some point but for now, he hasn't asked, he seems to be content to stay in where it's safe, sitting near me wherever I am. I play with him and brush him and talk to him ... I'm so glad I brought him with me! What good company he is! Perfect, really. Other than a few days of having trouble peeing on the road trip, his health has been great and he's shown no repercussions. I love him very much ...

OK, that's it for me today. Time to get my breakfast and do my cleaning so I can take a shower this afternoon. I won't be leaving the cavita today, nothing to do but hang around here. The weather is finally cooled down and it's overcast today, highs in the 70s is all. It feels good if a little sticky from the rains last night. Perfect weather to clean and be active!


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Waiting to Take Off

Boise, ID                                          Writing Practice                                   9:06am

Don't know the temperature but it's chilly out and supposed to rain more today. The weather just doesn't want to warm up for some reason. We had a hell of a storm yesterday evening and I got stuck in it beside a locked door. While I was being pelted by hail, it occurred to me that what I was experiencing right then was symbolic of the life I have now ... a lot has changed since I last wrote in this journal.

Pondering a move to Mexico, I plotted out the best way to make to get the job done. I was going to rent out my house but the more I thought about it, the less appealing that idea was. Remembering last winter and the ice dam on the back of the house and how the back door was stuck shut for 3 weeks and the seal on the office window broke made me not want to worry about that house while I was 2200 miles away. So I decided to sell it. And after that, life took on a pace of its own. I listed the house mid-April or so and then a week later, before we even had it in the MLS, my realtor brought a cash buyer who fell in love and offered me $176,000 to move as quickly as possible. I agreed, a deal was struck and I began the process of moving.

It was all harder than I thought or maybe I was afraid of it being hard. I hate the packing part of any move so I naturally waited to start the job until the last minute and after that, I was just hanging on for dear life from May 2 to May 11 when I finally finished the last of the cleaning and handed over the keys. I intended to head south on the 12th, then delayed until the 13th but now I'm still here, staying with my sweet neighbor Pam in her beautiful home. I was going to take both my cats but Milo was so scared and miserable in the motel for 3 days, I finally relented and asked Pam if he could stay here and become the neighborhood cat. I've been here 4 nights so far and don't plan to leave until next week. I agreed to pet sit for Stephanie since Olie is entering his end-of-life phase and she doesn't want to leave him alone while she's gone for a trip to the coast.

I'd like to see Nathan but I presented him with a plan, an idea, last week and he said we should talk but he hasn't called and I'm thinking I should just head on down and not foist myself on him at this time. Ruth's cat, Pyewackett, is in liver failure and Nathan is preparing to retire on June 2nd. I'm sure those two have their hands full so the timing is poor for a visit right now. Just as well, I want to get through the Sonoran Desert as quickly as possible since I heard the temps can be as high as 115° in the day time and my air conditioner isn't working in top form.

So as you can see, a lot has transpired in a short time. I'm now homeless but I have a paid-up-for-a-year storage unit and $34,000 in a money market account at my bank and more is coming next week. I'll be saving money like crazy once I get to Lake Chapala but I'm spending it freely until then. My car is going into the shop one more time tomorrow to do a tune up, fix a sticky gas peddle and look it over once more. I got delayed in the first place when I took her in for an oil change last Friday and was told I needed a new serpentine belt, which needed a mechanic. What the hell? Gary and Robert never noticed that after all the times they had my car in their shop? Even after I told them I was driving to Mexico, they didn't even look at it?!  I also forgot to go pick up the videos and zip drives from Roots Family Memories out on Fairview and Wildwood. Now I have them but don't know what to do with them, after all. I ditched my cassette boom box last week. Maybe I'll just box them up and go stick them into the storage unit. Can't just toss them.

My pet sit starts this Saturday through Tuesday. I can take off on Wednesday with Rocky and begin my trip for real a week from today. In the meantime, I can go through the stuff in Pam's garage. I emptied the car on Sunday so she could have her garage back and I could take my car back to Dick's Stereo and have them hook up the trunk to the security system. I paid for a new keyless entry and car alarm a few weeks ago only to discover that they didn't hook up the trunk because they thought the car was too old. They didn't ask me if it came with a keyless remote, which it did, nor did they bother to look it up, they just assumed it didn't and left it off. That's what I did right after Jiffy Lube last Friday. Not only did I need a new serpentine belt suddenly, my car alarm was incomplete and they had to have access to the trunk and two more hours to get it hooked up! That did it for me. I got the belt changed out on Saturday afternoon. Meagan's husband, Ben, got home from a week away and fixed me right up, but by then it was too late to take off and I was fried. I've been resting up from the whole ordeal ever since, in the lap of security here at Pam Lucas' house.

She just got up and I can hear her talking to Milo on the landing upstairs. She's so sweet with him! He's going to love it here with her, she's a way better cat mom than me.

So that's the update so far, I'll have to write more tomorrow. My journal notebook is right here but I'd rather type right now. I've also got a blog that I need to write for and this will get me going for that --- in theory.

Friday, March 10, 2017

Move? Dithering

10:35am                                          Writing Practice                                      56°/Boise

Another weird sleep night ... slept solid from 11:30 to 4:40am and then awake reading until 7:30, then back to sleep until almost 10am. I thought about getting up but that is such an unappealing idea in the wee hours of the morning where all is dark and silent. I don't wish to get into the habit of that kind of sleep schedule, makes it too hard to get up and go in the morning when I have plans. I know that's seldom the case but still.

I asked Dave at the Vista Building if he would be interested in using my house for his corporate housing business and at first he was hesitant. Too much upkeep on a house verses a condo. But then he thought of one contract he has where he still needs a 1 bedroom place and this would fit the bill, since the back bedroom is mostly an office or child's room. The English call those kinds of rooms a single. I told him my house payment is $768mo and the rest of the utilities would run it up to $900-$950 depending on the time of year and how much water is used and how much heat and air an individual would use. It would be one person staying here from mid-May to mid-Sept. That's 4 months of freedom to go scout options elsewhere. He said he would discuss it with his wife and get back to me. This plan would have me putting all my personal items in storage and renting it basically furnished. I could rent a smaller storage unit that way and then when I come back, it would be very easy to move back in.

Trouble is, I want to leave and never come back. That's the way I feel lately. Yes, this is my home but it's also the last place Stephen lived with me and I'm stuck in that story. I want to write a new story for myself, one that includes love and happiness and maybe even a new family. At least when I'm ready for that, it sound enticing. I've been here 10 years and have not met anyone to even have coffee with. Of course, I haven't been in the right space emotionally to meet anyone but I look around my life here and while it's comfortable, it's also a little lonely. I'm cut off from anyone who might be family to me.

Wow, it's weird that I just wrote that, I don't consciously want a family. I've always wanted time and freedom to do my own thing and now I have exactly that but instead of doing anything, I'm busy whining and feeling sorry for myself. I can feel better if I want to, I can inspire myself if I want to. I can get on with my life at any time and I don't have to go anywhere or meet anyone to do it. If the time comes in a few weeks that I decide to go ahead with a plan to move, I'll deal with it at that time. Whether I rent this place short term or long term, it will all work out. The idea of moving to Ajijic and staying at Hotel Perico for a while is appealing --- the only thing that bothers me is the long drive through Mexico alone. But I'll bet I can do it! If I want to I can.

In the meantime, it's Friday in Boise, Idaho, almost 60° and cloudy but it's supposed to begin clearing and be pretty spring-like for 5 whole days. Maybe I'll get ready and drive to Baker Sunday or Monday. I can leave the cats overnight and stay there if I want to. I need to finish editing the Mexico photos and so I'll sit my butt in this chair and do that, then I'll make Jodie a CD with the pictures. I'll send a CD to Sharon as well as return her SD card. I can get that done today and get it in the mail. I've got a few other things to take care of and then I can take off for Baker on Sunday morning, stay overnight with Jodie, see Connie and Joe on Monday, maybe for breakfast, drop in on Sue right quick, and then head home, be back mid-afternoon. Maybe Pam L would be willing to say hello to the boys Monday morning, just to cheer them up.

OK, well, it's 11:25 and I'm off a here. Wish me luck.