9:48am Writing Practice 54° Boise
Chilly and windy today but sunny. It rained last night and the deck is wet but that should be it for the rain for a while. Tomorrow is my yard sale. The neighbors are doing one too, there will be plenty of activity out front and tomorrow should be warmer, more hospitable for a day outside. I'll get my coat out of the shed. And I have to go through stuff today, find items to offer so it looks like I have things to sell. Mostly I want to get rid of the bigger things that don't fit in the house.
In two days I haven't gone into the back bedroom to get anything set up. I'm so glad I moved my studio home! If I'm going to ignore it all, at least it's not costing me extra money every month. I got some errands run yesterday. I finally got to Walmart with my list and I picked up my birdhouse lamp from the shop. $30 to fix the switch! Holy Cow! But I didn't ask for an estimate, didn't even occur to me to ask. You'd think I would have learned my lesson about that with the red bar stool episode. I could have asked Joe to fix it but I didn't. Actually, I did hint that I had a lamp with a broken switch and he declared that he wasn't a repair guy. So there, that's why I didn't ask him.
Last night I sat down and completed the list of lifetime addresses and I came up with 55 started at age 5 when Mom married Richard in 1958. They had an apartment in Santa Ana, or at least I think it was in Santa Ana. 1958 to 2007, which is when I moved in here, that's 49 years. I have had 55 homes in 49 years. Wow. No wonder I have no idea what home is. I wonder if others are able to define the idea of home or if this is an issue for many and they just don't talk about it. I think Home may be a multilayered subject and the exploring of it could take a while.
I just found this article on a blog site from 2012 and it's a pretty good discussion on defining Home: http://www.thelongestwayhome.com/blog/how-to-live-overseas/what-is-the-definition-of-home-2012-edition/
In a way that article helped clarify that I've been looking for a home all my life thinking it was a place or a building but in reality, I was looking for me and for the meaning in life, for my life's purpose, for the insights as to what I'm supposed to be doing here. Because that's the issue, I now see. My parents hijacked me with that religion at a young age and I never had a chance to discover my life or my purpose for myself. I've never felt at home in my own life, never learned to define it for myself since it was always so closely defined by someone else. That's why I was so willing to step into the lives of others and join them like I did with John and perhaps why my marriage to Bob was such a failure because he didn't have any better clue about home or life's purpose than I did and we were never able to define it or create it for ourselves. He went on to Shelly, joining her in her life and her house and he lived like that for 20 years. And when he left her, he moved on to Linda who had a more interesting life and he joined her and became a realtor.
Wow, so much I didn't understand about this idea of home and how the search for it has been the driving factor in my life and in all my choices. I'm going to enjoy this writing project! There's so much of me to discover here inside.
No comments:
Post a Comment