10:35am Writing Practice 52°/Boise
I finished my spiral journal yesterday and decided not to start another one right away. I have this blog to type in and a new blog that needs posts, The Sweet Story of My Stuff, the Practice Happiness blog that now has the domain name pointed to it (I removed the hosting for the main site yesterday, it's now retired) and The Story in Your Face blog. I have things to post in all of them and I'll be able to get to them if I stop messing around with the handwritten journals for a while. Although I do love to sit and write with a pen, it's a lovely feeling.
I bought a new brain-training tool, an ELF Emmit, and I've been using it for several days now. Hard to tell yet if I'm getting any benefits but I'm using the concentration/focus track daily, sometimes twice, once with my morning writing and then in the evening when I'm watching TV. So that's at least 4 hours of training a day. I should be beginning to knuckle down soon. I've also been sleeping really well, although I woke up at 5am yesterday ready to get up but laid there and read a while first, got up at 7:30 and I was up and felt good all day. What I mean by good is non-tired; I had a really down day emotionally. I think I've been suffering from what feels like brain fatigue. I think of things I need to do but the effort to follow through slides off like duck water and I wander off. I'm feeling better in that way but a few more weeks will show me for sure if ELF is helping.
I have decided to move to Mexico in June. I'm tired of America these days, tired of politics, tired of racism and anger, tired of living in a state where the majority voted for and approve of that asshole president. The whole idea of that man sitting in the white house sickens me and now I can feel what so many felt about Obama being president for 8 years. Only I'm not racist, I can just recognize a total moron when I see and hear one. So I believe I'll pack up stuff for storage and wander off to Mexico for a while.
I've been visualizing myself being there and wondering what I would do with myself all day. I think I'll take my bike, although that's a long haul for Sybil to carry Daisy May on her ass the whole way. I would have to bring the bike into the motels we stop at and I would have to stay two nights on the road in Mexico in motels that are safe for my car. I have to figure out about insurance and banking before I truly commit and I need new tires on the car. Otherwise, with some effort in packing and purging and donating, I'm ready to get started.
Although one caveat: if I begin to feel better about staying here and can be productively working on writing and art and be willing to get out and meet people, I'll stay. That's why I bought the ELF Emmit, to see if my feelings might be part of a neuro-issue that can be corrected without moving. If April rolls around and I still have the urge to pack up and go, well then, I'll begin the process.
I talked to Stephanie about the possibility of her renting my house and we didn't get too far in the discussion last night. Olie would need a pet door installed and I'm not at all sure I want one of those cut into my back door. It's a custom door already because of the size and if something went wrong or a change needed to be made, I'd have to buy a whole new door and have it installed. Plus I know she would want new carpets in the bedrooms and a carport. That would cost big bucks and I need my money to take me to Mexico. Although I could add it to my Sears card financing at 4% interest and pay it off with monthly payments while I live cheap in Ajijic. But my biggest concern is, what if I need to come back? Where would I live? I couldn't move her out after she moves in, not until she was ready to move and gave notice. The benefits of having her here are that she would take excellent care of the place but the downside is I would have to commit this place to her for as long as she wants to stay.
It's a possibility that I could prearrange an agreement that if I needed a place to live, I could move into the back bedroom and continue to leave my stuff in storage until a new plan can be hatched. If we liked living together, we could just continue until one of us needs a change for whatever reason and then deal with it as it comes. We sure could live cheap that way! $450 a month each would cover everything. But Rocky would be with me and I don't know if she could tolerate living with a cat. Olie won't be around that much longer, which is why I'm reluctant to install a dog door. We'll have to have another talk as a plan unfolds but I'll wait a bit and see how I feel.
Yesterday was a bad day, I felt so disheartened. Today I'm much better, ready to go clean at the Vista building and get on with my life. And so I shall. Breakfast awaits me.
Thursday, March 9, 2017
Saturday, February 4, 2017
Writing Software
10:08am Writing Practice 43°/Boise
I've been waking up decently early, which is good, but today I ran into trouble with my laptop and with YouTube. My laptop wouldn't load Firefox and I had to turn it off twice. YouTube must have removed my favorite fireplace video, I spent too much time looking for it but it's gone. It may reappear eventually, I'll keep an eye out. It's my favorite because it's a 10 hour video and the fire is perfect and never changes. Right now I have an outdoor wilderness campfire going. Looks like early morning at the top of some mountain. It's not warm and cozy like a fireplace in a house but maybe it will get my mind outside itself somehow. So now that I'm finally all settled and typing away, what shall I write about with my practice time?
I watched a video yesterday about how to write a book when you're too busy. It was actually excellent but the offer that came at the end for the program he was wanting to sell was for getting published, not for getting the book written. Writing is such a solitary business, I guess everyone is really on their own getting to the final product: a manuscript. Finding the focus and concentration to get the job done is a personal journey and one that I'm still on and maybe always will be. There were some very good points in the program, though, and I plan to watch it again today and take more notes and see if I can put some of the ideas into action. If nothing else, I have that How to Write a Book idea, Freeing the Book Within, that could be outlined. But how in the world can I create that program if I can't do it myself?
The guy who created the program I watched yesterday included some tools that I have to check out today, including EverNote and Scrivner. I've seen those tools before but couldn't figure out how to use them.
I just went on a hunt for writing software and I'm just as clueless as before. The good news is, there's lots of options. the bad news is, it's hard to tell which one would be the best for me. I loved my Student Writing Center program, I used it for many years but they never updated to the newer versions of Windows and now are years behind. Plus, it's a program for children to learn to use a word processor, which is probably why I liked it so much. I've tried Scrivner before and found it too confusing, although there's an online class I can take for that one. I'll bet there's YouTube videos about the other ones, I can check that later. I love writing in this blog format but it's really only suited for journal-type writing.
Anyway, I've got the pan heating on the stove for my breakfast and I'm going to go eat and do some more hunting for software ideas. The fact that I have too many ideas and too many outlines is not a good thing --- I need organization and a way to use what I have already. I'll find it. I fade in and out of the book writing business but I'm always thinking about it in some form. I can only fail if I stop trying and so far, for 20 years, all I do it take breaks. I'll get there. Someday.
I've been waking up decently early, which is good, but today I ran into trouble with my laptop and with YouTube. My laptop wouldn't load Firefox and I had to turn it off twice. YouTube must have removed my favorite fireplace video, I spent too much time looking for it but it's gone. It may reappear eventually, I'll keep an eye out. It's my favorite because it's a 10 hour video and the fire is perfect and never changes. Right now I have an outdoor wilderness campfire going. Looks like early morning at the top of some mountain. It's not warm and cozy like a fireplace in a house but maybe it will get my mind outside itself somehow. So now that I'm finally all settled and typing away, what shall I write about with my practice time?
I watched a video yesterday about how to write a book when you're too busy. It was actually excellent but the offer that came at the end for the program he was wanting to sell was for getting published, not for getting the book written. Writing is such a solitary business, I guess everyone is really on their own getting to the final product: a manuscript. Finding the focus and concentration to get the job done is a personal journey and one that I'm still on and maybe always will be. There were some very good points in the program, though, and I plan to watch it again today and take more notes and see if I can put some of the ideas into action. If nothing else, I have that How to Write a Book idea, Freeing the Book Within, that could be outlined. But how in the world can I create that program if I can't do it myself?
The guy who created the program I watched yesterday included some tools that I have to check out today, including EverNote and Scrivner. I've seen those tools before but couldn't figure out how to use them.
I just went on a hunt for writing software and I'm just as clueless as before. The good news is, there's lots of options. the bad news is, it's hard to tell which one would be the best for me. I loved my Student Writing Center program, I used it for many years but they never updated to the newer versions of Windows and now are years behind. Plus, it's a program for children to learn to use a word processor, which is probably why I liked it so much. I've tried Scrivner before and found it too confusing, although there's an online class I can take for that one. I'll bet there's YouTube videos about the other ones, I can check that later. I love writing in this blog format but it's really only suited for journal-type writing.
Anyway, I've got the pan heating on the stove for my breakfast and I'm going to go eat and do some more hunting for software ideas. The fact that I have too many ideas and too many outlines is not a good thing --- I need organization and a way to use what I have already. I'll find it. I fade in and out of the book writing business but I'm always thinking about it in some form. I can only fail if I stop trying and so far, for 20 years, all I do it take breaks. I'll get there. Someday.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
America: Agree with us or leave!
9:45am Writing Practice 28°/ Boise
I've been up since 8:30, awake since 7:45, thanks to Milo and restless cat syndrome. They are sick and tired of laying around the house and not getting to go out to run and play. Although I have let them out twice this week but it was too cold for them and they came back after just a few minutes. We're all sick of this cold weather. And the snow. I look out the window and see that it's snowing again right now but there's not supposed to be any presip at all for the coming week, just cold. It's fine flakes falling out there, maybe it won't amount to anything. I have to load up and go clean at Vista this afternoon and if it snows too much, I won't go until tomorrow. I just checked the forecast and this is not going to last, just a skiff to remind us that winter is far from over around here. I have 4 hours before I leave for the cleaning job, that should be plenty of time for this to stop and the roads to be OK. No slip and slide for me, I won't go there.
I'm hungry. I started a low carb food plan on Monday and have lost almost 2 lbs already and I'm really just getting started. I have 2½ weeks to go before I leave for Mexico and at this rate, I should fit my summer clothes just fine by then. For now, that's all I ask. If I could solve my sweet tooth, I'd drop weight like crazy and be under 130 lbs in no time and keep it there easily. The sweets aren't a huge issue, not like they were with my mother but still, I'd like to cut down even more.
I've got a writing project started and a new outline but haven't worked on it at all this week. The political unrest in the air right now is so distracting and yet I can't do anything about it, which is why I've left politics alone all my life. I'm in the process now of getting my attention out of it, limiting my time on Facebook, thinking about other things. I imagine moving to Mexico but until I go see the place, I won't really have an idea to base the dream on. Also, Trump is threatening to build that wall again. How will his attitude affect how Americans are treated in Mexico? The Mexican government would be within its right and reason to cancel all visas and send all Americans back to the States. In which case, moving there would not be an option. Canada is out, I don't want to go north, and all other countries are too hard to get to with my cat.
I was looking on Mike Shaw's FB page this morning to see what that side is thinking and he used those hated words on one of his posts --- "If you don't like it, get out!" Whenever I see that demand stated I get mad. For 8 years, he hated Obama and everything the government did, claiming all sorts of fictitious things that never happened, and not once was he invited to leave if he didn't like it. At least not that I saw. What gives some people the idea that freedom is only available for those who agree with them and the rest of us must leave? I may post this as a question on FB because it's going to get worse and we should all be prepared for it. OK, I just posted it, we'll see what discussions the question brings. I'd sure like to get to the bottom of that one, it annoys me terribly.
Stephen showed up in my dreams this morning. Seems I was getting married again and he was at the reception or was it the pre-party? He was young, early 20's and I was worried about him, wondering if he was ever going to be OK. It was a weird dream and didn't make any sense. I don't even know who I was supposed to be marrying but it didn't feel like I wanted to do it. Plus, I was the photographer at my own wedding and Gigi was there but didn't like herself in one of the photos and I thought, why didn't I hand to camera to Stephen? He's a terrific photographer, he could have done the job. Then I felt that I didn't trust him to do it in his condition. So I was reminded of my attitude toward Stephen during those early years of his 20's. He was so immature and on the edge of collapse. I knew it, I felt it about him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now that I think about it, he wasn't the photographer he became later at that time in his life. He didn't really take off with photography until he wrote a bad check for a digital camera at Walmart (that I later covered) and started really taking pictures. Then when he got his first Mac laptop from his dad in 2006, he really bloomed. Same with his music. That laptop was the best idea we had and I'm so glad John bought it for him.
In my dream, Stephen was visiting from Portland where he had a life. Interesting. I wonder if I was dreaming an alternative timeline? It didn't seem any more hopeful than the one we lived with, where he died. I would love to have a dream of a timeline where he flourished and became strong and independent. Yes, that's the dream I like! The one where he's still here, having fun and making music and movies and loving his life. Give me that dream and I'll step into it and never wake up. Thank you.
I've been up since 8:30, awake since 7:45, thanks to Milo and restless cat syndrome. They are sick and tired of laying around the house and not getting to go out to run and play. Although I have let them out twice this week but it was too cold for them and they came back after just a few minutes. We're all sick of this cold weather. And the snow. I look out the window and see that it's snowing again right now but there's not supposed to be any presip at all for the coming week, just cold. It's fine flakes falling out there, maybe it won't amount to anything. I have to load up and go clean at Vista this afternoon and if it snows too much, I won't go until tomorrow. I just checked the forecast and this is not going to last, just a skiff to remind us that winter is far from over around here. I have 4 hours before I leave for the cleaning job, that should be plenty of time for this to stop and the roads to be OK. No slip and slide for me, I won't go there.
I'm hungry. I started a low carb food plan on Monday and have lost almost 2 lbs already and I'm really just getting started. I have 2½ weeks to go before I leave for Mexico and at this rate, I should fit my summer clothes just fine by then. For now, that's all I ask. If I could solve my sweet tooth, I'd drop weight like crazy and be under 130 lbs in no time and keep it there easily. The sweets aren't a huge issue, not like they were with my mother but still, I'd like to cut down even more.
I've got a writing project started and a new outline but haven't worked on it at all this week. The political unrest in the air right now is so distracting and yet I can't do anything about it, which is why I've left politics alone all my life. I'm in the process now of getting my attention out of it, limiting my time on Facebook, thinking about other things. I imagine moving to Mexico but until I go see the place, I won't really have an idea to base the dream on. Also, Trump is threatening to build that wall again. How will his attitude affect how Americans are treated in Mexico? The Mexican government would be within its right and reason to cancel all visas and send all Americans back to the States. In which case, moving there would not be an option. Canada is out, I don't want to go north, and all other countries are too hard to get to with my cat.
I was looking on Mike Shaw's FB page this morning to see what that side is thinking and he used those hated words on one of his posts --- "If you don't like it, get out!" Whenever I see that demand stated I get mad. For 8 years, he hated Obama and everything the government did, claiming all sorts of fictitious things that never happened, and not once was he invited to leave if he didn't like it. At least not that I saw. What gives some people the idea that freedom is only available for those who agree with them and the rest of us must leave? I may post this as a question on FB because it's going to get worse and we should all be prepared for it. OK, I just posted it, we'll see what discussions the question brings. I'd sure like to get to the bottom of that one, it annoys me terribly.
Stephen showed up in my dreams this morning. Seems I was getting married again and he was at the reception or was it the pre-party? He was young, early 20's and I was worried about him, wondering if he was ever going to be OK. It was a weird dream and didn't make any sense. I don't even know who I was supposed to be marrying but it didn't feel like I wanted to do it. Plus, I was the photographer at my own wedding and Gigi was there but didn't like herself in one of the photos and I thought, why didn't I hand to camera to Stephen? He's a terrific photographer, he could have done the job. Then I felt that I didn't trust him to do it in his condition. So I was reminded of my attitude toward Stephen during those early years of his 20's. He was so immature and on the edge of collapse. I knew it, I felt it about him but there was nothing I could do about it. Now that I think about it, he wasn't the photographer he became later at that time in his life. He didn't really take off with photography until he wrote a bad check for a digital camera at Walmart (that I later covered) and started really taking pictures. Then when he got his first Mac laptop from his dad in 2006, he really bloomed. Same with his music. That laptop was the best idea we had and I'm so glad John bought it for him.
In my dream, Stephen was visiting from Portland where he had a life. Interesting. I wonder if I was dreaming an alternative timeline? It didn't seem any more hopeful than the one we lived with, where he died. I would love to have a dream of a timeline where he flourished and became strong and independent. Yes, that's the dream I like! The one where he's still here, having fun and making music and movies and loving his life. Give me that dream and I'll step into it and never wake up. Thank you.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Idea: Messages from Elysium
9:25am Writing Practice 23°/ Boise
Still dealing with crappy weather and a frozen world. It snowed another 3" yesterday and I got that cleared in time for this heavy freeze to return for the foreseeable future. I ran errands yesterday, got to the post office to mail colloidal silver to our hotel in Mexico (cost me $45 to ship, I hope it arrives!) and returned library books, plus stopped in to Fred Meyer to pick up some salad. My supplies are holding out great, I seem to be able to get out about twice a week, which is all I really need to do. I'm home again now until Thursday when I have to go clean at the Vista building and then I can send them my invoice to $220 this time --- I had an extra job for them last week to add to my income.
I have started a continuation of the memoir writing, got a new outline and have plunked away at it. But I've also been watching YouTube videos about doodling and watercolor painting and that's been inspiring and relaxing. I actually started a new piece a few days ago, a watercolor background with doodle flowers in a low vase. I'll continue to add to that as well, might take a few weeks to get it done but I like it so far. It will be good practice for building up layers and adding detail ... just what I need to do with my writing as well.
While browsing FB this morning, I saw a photo of a swirling design and this came to mind:
Still dealing with crappy weather and a frozen world. It snowed another 3" yesterday and I got that cleared in time for this heavy freeze to return for the foreseeable future. I ran errands yesterday, got to the post office to mail colloidal silver to our hotel in Mexico (cost me $45 to ship, I hope it arrives!) and returned library books, plus stopped in to Fred Meyer to pick up some salad. My supplies are holding out great, I seem to be able to get out about twice a week, which is all I really need to do. I'm home again now until Thursday when I have to go clean at the Vista building and then I can send them my invoice to $220 this time --- I had an extra job for them last week to add to my income.
I have started a continuation of the memoir writing, got a new outline and have plunked away at it. But I've also been watching YouTube videos about doodling and watercolor painting and that's been inspiring and relaxing. I actually started a new piece a few days ago, a watercolor background with doodle flowers in a low vase. I'll continue to add to that as well, might take a few weeks to get it done but I like it so far. It will be good practice for building up layers and adding detail ... just what I need to do with my writing as well.
While browsing FB this morning, I saw a photo of a swirling design and this came to mind:
"The
cosmos exists in swirls. Emotions swirl in a dance with the universe,
neither good nor bad, right or wrong. Find the meaning in the feeling,
begin to understand the triggers and claim them to put the power of
creation into your lives."
So I made it a post on FB with a photo from my files and labeled it, "My message from Elysium this morning." Then I thought, hey, that sounds good! Messages from Elysium. So I Googled it, no match. Then I checked GoDaddy for a domain name (messagesfromelysuim.com) and it's available. I could create a blog for them and begin to channel messages and share them. What do you think? Well, I'll just have to see if any other messages come to me and then decide what to do with them.
In the meantime, I'm hungry. I started a low carb food plan yesterday and lost 1.2 pounds overnight, which is common. The rest usually take a little longer. I just want to lose enough to fit my summer clothes comfortably in Mexico and that's only 4 or 5 pounds. I'd love to lose an additional 3 or 4 pounds by summer to be slim and trim for summer fun. I should be able to do this if I can just stay out of the sweets. Really, that's all it would take.
OK, that's it for me, off for breakfast and then whatever else I choose to do on the freezing but sunny day.
So I made it a post on FB with a photo from my files and labeled it, "My message from Elysium this morning." Then I thought, hey, that sounds good! Messages from Elysium. So I Googled it, no match. Then I checked GoDaddy for a domain name (messagesfromelysuim.com) and it's available. I could create a blog for them and begin to channel messages and share them. What do you think? Well, I'll just have to see if any other messages come to me and then decide what to do with them.
In the meantime, I'm hungry. I started a low carb food plan yesterday and lost 1.2 pounds overnight, which is common. The rest usually take a little longer. I just want to lose enough to fit my summer clothes comfortably in Mexico and that's only 4 or 5 pounds. I'd love to lose an additional 3 or 4 pounds by summer to be slim and trim for summer fun. I should be able to do this if I can just stay out of the sweets. Really, that's all it would take.
OK, that's it for me, off for breakfast and then whatever else I choose to do on the freezing but sunny day.
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Elysium Counsil --- personal history
11am Writing Practice 25° / Boise
After a nightmare few weeks of horrible weather, we're on the other side of the worst of it now, I think. The freezing rain never came and we didn't lose power, which is all I asked, so whoever brought that home, Thank You. The snow started in before Thanksgiving and it hasn't let up since, almost 2 months. I have 4 foot piles on either side on the new deck and there are 4 foot piles out front that I built while shoveling. I had a little muscle spasm in my neck yesterday from all that heavy shoveling but the beads and a little heat seems to have cured that. Today it's clear and sunny and even though it's not supposed to warm up to thaw, the sun will help evaporate the ice and build up for the next several days. Then the snow returns next week with no real thaw to melt what we have.
And they say there is no global warming.
The world appears to be going to shit, what with Trump about to take office in 8 days and everyone in an uproar. I know there's going to be a shake up for this system and I just hope I can survive it. If not, my little life and my stories will be buried with me and who will care. Who will ever care?
In my written pages I got a message from The Elysium Group a few days ago ... not sure if it's a committee or a council or a connection or a consortium. I was reminded of a vision I had years ago of my Higher Power, January or February of 1993. I had been reading a little book I picked up at an antique shop in Jefferson City, MO on our way to John's new job at The Naval Training Center in North Chicago. The book was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and it cost me a quarter. I used to know right where that little book was but I can't find it now. I may have finally lost it or misplaced it. Not moving for over 9 years means I have lost track of much of my stuff. It's probably around somewhere.
But to get back to the point, I had been reading that little book and Mr Peale used the word God so much and it bothered me but he also gave the reader permission to name the Higher Power anything they chose. The same went for the AA meetings I attended. Gerald called his HP, I found out years later, but I didn't know what to call that power I was supposed to turn it all over to. And here's where the memory came back to me so clearly that I had to write about it again.
I decided to lay down and ask to be shown who or what my Higher Power is. I settled in on the couch while Stephen was at school and John was at work and relaxed into a meditational nap and in it I got a vision of a semi-circular table with people sitting around the outside, all ready to listen and take notes and confer with me on whatever was on my mind. And I was standing or sitting facing them, presenting them with my issues and questions. I got the emotional feeling of intent focus, like everything I brought to them was of extreme importance and their only purpose was to be fully present with me as I asked questions or explained my situation. It looked like a board room of sorts and the people were dressed in suits and sat at attention with tablets in front of them. No one spoke, it was a conference meant just for me and I felt fully supported. When I woke, the vision was still vivid, as it is right now. It wasn't a dream. I felt around in it for a bit and was comforted and encouraged by this idea of being so loved and supported in all I was trying to do. I named them my Council on Higher Power but this was before I started writing in December 1994, so I didn't connect with them, bond with them, like I could have had I been writing daily like I have done all these years.
So this vision popped to mind while I was brushing my teeth the other day and once it came back, it stayed with me. When I wrote about it in my spiral pages, a name came to mind, Allisium. I saw the word in my mind's eye but I didn't know if it was a real word or maybe the name of a flower, so I Googled it. Sure enough, alyssum is a flower but the other word I found was Elysium, which fit the pronunciation of the word I saw. Then I looked up the meaning and was blown away! The Elysium Fields is an ancient version of the afterlife and has a long history, many thousands of years. There's also a movie and I saw it a few years ago but had forgotten about it. An interesting note: Jody Foster played the leader of the Elysium Council in that movie and sat in a chair with a semi-circular table in front of her where the other council members all faced her. Also, in the movie Contact, Jody Foster payed the main character who presented her ideas and findings to a council in a board room facing a semi-circular table where people were seated, listening and watching. I had that memory this morning, putting those pieces together.
The main point in writing about this here is to ponder the possibility of contact via inspiration of an actual entity or power available to help me --- as religious people believe a god is available to them via prayer and divine guidance. In my spiral pages, I wrote some things about beliefs and the way beliefs create reality and it came so effortlessly, so naturally. I would LOVE to believe that I have access to such a council and that they gave me a name that I can use for them. What would it be like to just go forth as if, see where it takes me? To become a channel for The Elysium Council. Maybe that's why I keep getting the vision. They want to talk to me. Maybe I'm ready for whatever they have to say. Or maybe I'm just ready for the looney bin. Whatever, it's an interesting idea and might be fun, if I can find a way to open up.
Also, maybe Stephen is there and is part of the council now. I do keep asking him where he is. So we'll see.
After a nightmare few weeks of horrible weather, we're on the other side of the worst of it now, I think. The freezing rain never came and we didn't lose power, which is all I asked, so whoever brought that home, Thank You. The snow started in before Thanksgiving and it hasn't let up since, almost 2 months. I have 4 foot piles on either side on the new deck and there are 4 foot piles out front that I built while shoveling. I had a little muscle spasm in my neck yesterday from all that heavy shoveling but the beads and a little heat seems to have cured that. Today it's clear and sunny and even though it's not supposed to warm up to thaw, the sun will help evaporate the ice and build up for the next several days. Then the snow returns next week with no real thaw to melt what we have.
And they say there is no global warming.
The world appears to be going to shit, what with Trump about to take office in 8 days and everyone in an uproar. I know there's going to be a shake up for this system and I just hope I can survive it. If not, my little life and my stories will be buried with me and who will care. Who will ever care?
In my written pages I got a message from The Elysium Group a few days ago ... not sure if it's a committee or a council or a connection or a consortium. I was reminded of a vision I had years ago of my Higher Power, January or February of 1993. I had been reading a little book I picked up at an antique shop in Jefferson City, MO on our way to John's new job at The Naval Training Center in North Chicago. The book was The Power of Positive Thinking by Norman Vincent Peale and it cost me a quarter. I used to know right where that little book was but I can't find it now. I may have finally lost it or misplaced it. Not moving for over 9 years means I have lost track of much of my stuff. It's probably around somewhere.
But to get back to the point, I had been reading that little book and Mr Peale used the word God so much and it bothered me but he also gave the reader permission to name the Higher Power anything they chose. The same went for the AA meetings I attended. Gerald called his HP, I found out years later, but I didn't know what to call that power I was supposed to turn it all over to. And here's where the memory came back to me so clearly that I had to write about it again.
I decided to lay down and ask to be shown who or what my Higher Power is. I settled in on the couch while Stephen was at school and John was at work and relaxed into a meditational nap and in it I got a vision of a semi-circular table with people sitting around the outside, all ready to listen and take notes and confer with me on whatever was on my mind. And I was standing or sitting facing them, presenting them with my issues and questions. I got the emotional feeling of intent focus, like everything I brought to them was of extreme importance and their only purpose was to be fully present with me as I asked questions or explained my situation. It looked like a board room of sorts and the people were dressed in suits and sat at attention with tablets in front of them. No one spoke, it was a conference meant just for me and I felt fully supported. When I woke, the vision was still vivid, as it is right now. It wasn't a dream. I felt around in it for a bit and was comforted and encouraged by this idea of being so loved and supported in all I was trying to do. I named them my Council on Higher Power but this was before I started writing in December 1994, so I didn't connect with them, bond with them, like I could have had I been writing daily like I have done all these years.
So this vision popped to mind while I was brushing my teeth the other day and once it came back, it stayed with me. When I wrote about it in my spiral pages, a name came to mind, Allisium. I saw the word in my mind's eye but I didn't know if it was a real word or maybe the name of a flower, so I Googled it. Sure enough, alyssum is a flower but the other word I found was Elysium, which fit the pronunciation of the word I saw. Then I looked up the meaning and was blown away! The Elysium Fields is an ancient version of the afterlife and has a long history, many thousands of years. There's also a movie and I saw it a few years ago but had forgotten about it. An interesting note: Jody Foster played the leader of the Elysium Council in that movie and sat in a chair with a semi-circular table in front of her where the other council members all faced her. Also, in the movie Contact, Jody Foster payed the main character who presented her ideas and findings to a council in a board room facing a semi-circular table where people were seated, listening and watching. I had that memory this morning, putting those pieces together.
The main point in writing about this here is to ponder the possibility of contact via inspiration of an actual entity or power available to help me --- as religious people believe a god is available to them via prayer and divine guidance. In my spiral pages, I wrote some things about beliefs and the way beliefs create reality and it came so effortlessly, so naturally. I would LOVE to believe that I have access to such a council and that they gave me a name that I can use for them. What would it be like to just go forth as if, see where it takes me? To become a channel for The Elysium Council. Maybe that's why I keep getting the vision. They want to talk to me. Maybe I'm ready for whatever they have to say. Or maybe I'm just ready for the looney bin. Whatever, it's an interesting idea and might be fun, if I can find a way to open up.
Also, maybe Stephen is there and is part of the council now. I do keep asking him where he is. So we'll see.
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Quitting Christmas
10:45am Writing Practice 22°/Boise
Here it is, Christmas Day and I've already written in my notebook but this idea compels me to jump in here and write a little more. Christmas has kicked my ass all my life and I'd like to try to track some of them, to remember Christmases I've had and the feelings that came with them. Because no matter where there were, what house, what city, who I was with or what gifts were given, Christmas has never been right, has never felt like the movies we are shown about the true meaning of Christmas. And the stories that came with the holiday, the religious aspects and the fantasy aspects, the trees and ornaments and lights and gifts and decorations have just never fit somehow. What is it really all about and how can I resolve this in my life, in the big picture of who I am after all this time. I'm 63 years old. That means that I've lived through and participated or abstained from 63 Christmases in my life. That's a lot of opportunities to figure out what it's all about, don't you think?
I look out my windows on a day that is so clear and bright, the sun sparkling on the foot of snow that has fallen the last few days, and I can feel a sort of magic, conjured from the habits and beliefs that have formed and informed my life from the beginning. We don't enter life as a clean slate, more like a human sponge soaking up all that is around us. This soaking begins in the womb. As we absorb nutrients from our mother, we also take in her heart beats and temperature, her thoughts and desires and beliefs. A pregnant mother can hide nothing from the child growing within, she shares all that she is on so many levels and most of it is unconscious. When the child enters life and begin the breathe and function and grow on its own, it is already formatted for the life it will enter. The patterns for the life and the structure of the belief system is already in place.
The first Christmas I can remember is when I was 5 years old. My mother had married my step-father in August and she had traveled from Santa Ana, California on the train to collect me from my aunt's ranch in Keating, Oregon, near Baker in Eastern Oregon where I had been living with my little brother, Gerald, for an unknown length of time. She left Gerald there and the trauma of being left behind and abandoned would haunt him for the rest of his life.
There is no holiday from grief.
Here it is, Christmas Day and I've already written in my notebook but this idea compels me to jump in here and write a little more. Christmas has kicked my ass all my life and I'd like to try to track some of them, to remember Christmases I've had and the feelings that came with them. Because no matter where there were, what house, what city, who I was with or what gifts were given, Christmas has never been right, has never felt like the movies we are shown about the true meaning of Christmas. And the stories that came with the holiday, the religious aspects and the fantasy aspects, the trees and ornaments and lights and gifts and decorations have just never fit somehow. What is it really all about and how can I resolve this in my life, in the big picture of who I am after all this time. I'm 63 years old. That means that I've lived through and participated or abstained from 63 Christmases in my life. That's a lot of opportunities to figure out what it's all about, don't you think?
I look out my windows on a day that is so clear and bright, the sun sparkling on the foot of snow that has fallen the last few days, and I can feel a sort of magic, conjured from the habits and beliefs that have formed and informed my life from the beginning. We don't enter life as a clean slate, more like a human sponge soaking up all that is around us. This soaking begins in the womb. As we absorb nutrients from our mother, we also take in her heart beats and temperature, her thoughts and desires and beliefs. A pregnant mother can hide nothing from the child growing within, she shares all that she is on so many levels and most of it is unconscious. When the child enters life and begin the breathe and function and grow on its own, it is already formatted for the life it will enter. The patterns for the life and the structure of the belief system is already in place.
The first Christmas I can remember is when I was 5 years old. My mother had married my step-father in August and she had traveled from Santa Ana, California on the train to collect me from my aunt's ranch in Keating, Oregon, near Baker in Eastern Oregon where I had been living with my little brother, Gerald, for an unknown length of time. She left Gerald there and the trauma of being left behind and abandoned would haunt him for the rest of his life.
There is no holiday from grief.
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Sunday Check-in
8:55 Writing Practice 28°/Boise
I finished off my last spiral notebook yesterday and thought I'd get in here with the typed journal for a while and see if I can get some real writing done ... or at least started. In the nine years I've lived here in this house, I've written 28 notebooks (18 in the last 3 years alone) and only 8 notebooks and some loose pages in the 13 years before I got here. So in fact, living here and being stable and staying put has really improved my creative output of pages, at lease on a regular basis.
But for now and the months to come, I'll need to write this way in order to begin to share what I write. This journal is already full of information and ideas --- it's like a whole notebook of it's own or more. Maybe two. This will be my 80th post this year which is dang amazing! Of course, none of it was written with a view to sharing, I just tapped each one out and hit post. But still, this is the kind of writing I'm going to need to do (typing) if I hope to get a book written.
Calendars are mostly sold. I only ordered 60 this year, no reorders, and they arrived perfect and great quality. I'm very pleased! I have 8 left to sell or give away and Gigi has 4 at her shop. Hopefully she can sell them. It's only Dec 11 and I'm almost finished with calendars for this year. Wow! Last week I packaged and mailed all the orders even if they weren't paid for yet. I decided to act on trust this year and save myself the hassle of multiple trips to the post office. Now all I have to do is sit back and await the arrival of checks or deposits into PayPal. Cool, huh? I've received 2 new orders that need to be mailed so I'll have to round up padded envelopes for them or ship Priority for $6.80. That costs me an additional $1.80 each above First Class and for just these 2, it may be worth it. But I do still have 8 calendars to sell, I may be shipping more. Plus I just remembered that I have to send 3 to Botswana. Maybe. The seasons in my calendar are backward to their seasons, they may not like that. Plus they don't have a lot of the holidays that we have. It's hard to say if the previous calendars have been appreciated. Or even used. And it costs me $23 just to ship them. Hummmm. I'll have to see how this all shakes out, I may not send them this year.
I refinanced my house since the last post, my new payment is $685 mo. No PMI! I can continue to pay the same payment and knock 6 years off my loan, although I'll have to ask Mark Onnen to help me figure that out. Right now, I'm saving $128 mo but the interest was going to go up in February and then again a year later. Even without PMI, the payment would have been $843 mo for the rest of the loan. But get this! I've received 4 bonus payments toward principle of $1000 each, that last one arriving just a week before closing on the refi. Isn't that just the coolest? That means I'll be getting that back in a check from Idaho Housing sometime next month, after the dust settles and all fees and balances are paid up. Free money! Evidently that was some sort of incentive added into my modification 5 years ago (has it been that long already?!) for me to make payments on time. But I didn't even know about it, I always make payments on time so they just added those bonuses without me even noticing. I wondered how my principle balance was going down so fast and now I know. I had one last bonus coming next year had I not refinanced but hey, interest rates are going up, now was the time to do a refi before all hell breaks loose in the country. IF Trump takes office, that is ... I still have hope that sanity with prevail somehow and that this sham of a man will be sent packing.
OK, what's next. It's sheet-wash day and I just put the wet sheets into the dryer. I'm using a flannel on the bottom and a cotton for a top sheet, along with my heater blanket. It's perfect! I've been sleeping very good all week and waking just after 7am and not falling back to sleep after I take my ASEA and go back to bed. I do my breathing and stretching and have the ball under my neck a while and then get up. Also, I've not felt the need for a nap in weeks, not sure why. I seem to happily putter around my day getting stuff done or sitting on the computer. I still have Ray's zoo book to finish and Jodie's book, before I can start my own photo book project. I'm going to use my Practice Happiness calendar photos to make a photo book and write something for each practice. I have an idea it will be cool but I'll have to do one and see. That's what I'll be working on in January and February. Right now I can get a deal through Snapfish and I don't know what it will cost after the 1st but I'm going to make one and maybe use it to send to publishers. Surely there's a market for a book like that. Plus it all depends on what comes as I write it.
Oh well, off I go to work on Ray's book. I moved the laptop into the living room again last night. This seems to be where I sit to work online and create stuff so I'll just go with it. I sat right here for hours on end and designed the calendar this year as well as last year. This must work for me --- pain-free creating in a soft chair with good back support. I can dig it.
I finished off my last spiral notebook yesterday and thought I'd get in here with the typed journal for a while and see if I can get some real writing done ... or at least started. In the nine years I've lived here in this house, I've written 28 notebooks (18 in the last 3 years alone) and only 8 notebooks and some loose pages in the 13 years before I got here. So in fact, living here and being stable and staying put has really improved my creative output of pages, at lease on a regular basis.
But for now and the months to come, I'll need to write this way in order to begin to share what I write. This journal is already full of information and ideas --- it's like a whole notebook of it's own or more. Maybe two. This will be my 80th post this year which is dang amazing! Of course, none of it was written with a view to sharing, I just tapped each one out and hit post. But still, this is the kind of writing I'm going to need to do (typing) if I hope to get a book written.
Calendars are mostly sold. I only ordered 60 this year, no reorders, and they arrived perfect and great quality. I'm very pleased! I have 8 left to sell or give away and Gigi has 4 at her shop. Hopefully she can sell them. It's only Dec 11 and I'm almost finished with calendars for this year. Wow! Last week I packaged and mailed all the orders even if they weren't paid for yet. I decided to act on trust this year and save myself the hassle of multiple trips to the post office. Now all I have to do is sit back and await the arrival of checks or deposits into PayPal. Cool, huh? I've received 2 new orders that need to be mailed so I'll have to round up padded envelopes for them or ship Priority for $6.80. That costs me an additional $1.80 each above First Class and for just these 2, it may be worth it. But I do still have 8 calendars to sell, I may be shipping more. Plus I just remembered that I have to send 3 to Botswana. Maybe. The seasons in my calendar are backward to their seasons, they may not like that. Plus they don't have a lot of the holidays that we have. It's hard to say if the previous calendars have been appreciated. Or even used. And it costs me $23 just to ship them. Hummmm. I'll have to see how this all shakes out, I may not send them this year.
I refinanced my house since the last post, my new payment is $685 mo. No PMI! I can continue to pay the same payment and knock 6 years off my loan, although I'll have to ask Mark Onnen to help me figure that out. Right now, I'm saving $128 mo but the interest was going to go up in February and then again a year later. Even without PMI, the payment would have been $843 mo for the rest of the loan. But get this! I've received 4 bonus payments toward principle of $1000 each, that last one arriving just a week before closing on the refi. Isn't that just the coolest? That means I'll be getting that back in a check from Idaho Housing sometime next month, after the dust settles and all fees and balances are paid up. Free money! Evidently that was some sort of incentive added into my modification 5 years ago (has it been that long already?!) for me to make payments on time. But I didn't even know about it, I always make payments on time so they just added those bonuses without me even noticing. I wondered how my principle balance was going down so fast and now I know. I had one last bonus coming next year had I not refinanced but hey, interest rates are going up, now was the time to do a refi before all hell breaks loose in the country. IF Trump takes office, that is ... I still have hope that sanity with prevail somehow and that this sham of a man will be sent packing.
OK, what's next. It's sheet-wash day and I just put the wet sheets into the dryer. I'm using a flannel on the bottom and a cotton for a top sheet, along with my heater blanket. It's perfect! I've been sleeping very good all week and waking just after 7am and not falling back to sleep after I take my ASEA and go back to bed. I do my breathing and stretching and have the ball under my neck a while and then get up. Also, I've not felt the need for a nap in weeks, not sure why. I seem to happily putter around my day getting stuff done or sitting on the computer. I still have Ray's zoo book to finish and Jodie's book, before I can start my own photo book project. I'm going to use my Practice Happiness calendar photos to make a photo book and write something for each practice. I have an idea it will be cool but I'll have to do one and see. That's what I'll be working on in January and February. Right now I can get a deal through Snapfish and I don't know what it will cost after the 1st but I'm going to make one and maybe use it to send to publishers. Surely there's a market for a book like that. Plus it all depends on what comes as I write it.
Oh well, off I go to work on Ray's book. I moved the laptop into the living room again last night. This seems to be where I sit to work online and create stuff so I'll just go with it. I sat right here for hours on end and designed the calendar this year as well as last year. This must work for me --- pain-free creating in a soft chair with good back support. I can dig it.
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