9:54am Writing Practice 66° Boise
It's a gorgeous morning out with a promise of heat later. But right now it's ideal and the air smells sweet. I got all the new plants in yesterday. It took 5 hours but I had a nice overcast all day and it never got too hot to work. I kept at it until it was done and then I crippled into the house to wash up and recover. I ate an early diner because I was starved after all that work and then laid down in my bed with a big magnet under my lower back and fell asleep for an hour. When I woke up it was after 7pm but I was much improved so I got dressed and ran some errands. This morning I feel fine. I can tell that I was active yesterday and I'm hungry again but I think I'll recover just fine. I'll go to the gym this afternoon and then I have a birthday party dinner to attend at Sockeye this evening.
I need someone to follow me to Eagle to take Mark's car back to him. Maybe I'll ask Stephanie or maybe Pam will do it. And I need to get my car washed and cleaned up. I was wanting to get a mini detail for it but that's almost $60 and I just don't want to spend the money right now.
I've taken to watching ocean videos on YouTube with only the sounds of the waves, no music. The one I picked for this morning looks like the beach at Baja --- Dark ocean and miles of straight beach in either direction. It's almost but not quite desolate. There are no trees, no curves, no rocks, nothing in sight but waves and sand. It's that same course, tan sand that I spent so many hours writing in and then taking pictures. I had a blast doing that! I would go back down there but a curious thing happened to me there --- my mind went blank. I tried to write a few times and nothing came, not one complete sentence. I read two books and I took pictures, talked to Vicki and relaxed, enjoying the vacuum in my head.
That was January 2013. A few weeks before, at the end of December, I got a call from Mike Justice saying that Stephen was in trouble, he was using meth again. He was all panicked and concerned but the only thing I could think of was Noooooo! I'd bought the airline ticket to Baja in October and I just didn't have time or money to deal with a side trip with Stephen. Plus, I spoke to Stephen after that and he assured me that Mike was overreacting and that he was fine. Then Vicki gave me a card reading while I was down there and the 9 of spades showed up in 3 places, no doubt some losses and probably deaths were coming. Multiple. My brother Mark had a cancer diagnosis and Gerald wasn't in great shape either. The idea of losing Stephen never came to mind. It was simply unthinkable, and yet, he's the one who died that year. Gerald had an attempt in February, a month after my reading, and I ended up having to move him to Boise in April, but he lived until January 2015 and of course, Mark is still alive.
Denial played a huge role in Stephen's death. I've thought about this before but I've not written about it (I don't think). After all we went through, the years of worry and the weight of his addictions and unhappiness weighing on me, I couldn't go there when it reared up again. I just could not face it. In a way, I participated in Stephen's death and I have been avoiding thinking about that all this time. But the guilt is there all the same, whether I think about it or not.
Vicki did my birthday reading last week and I still have a 9 of spades to deal with this year and that leaves Rocky, my last loved pet, vulnerable. He likes to go across the street and check out the chickens in Martha's back yard. I've gotten after him about it time and time again, imploring him to stay in our yard. Well, this morning I looked out the front windows just in time to see him dash across the street (coming home) just inches from getting hit by a car rounding the corner. His ears were back, he knew he just made it and I wonder how many times that's happened to him, how many lives has he used up barely escaping the tires of an oncoming car? What I remind myself is, I have yet to see an accident on this street. No kids, no pets get hit, no cars collide. I have to take comfort in that. I've never seen a dead cat on the roads in this town. I have, however, seen plenty of dead squirrels. So I have to trust that Rocky is smarter than a squirrel.
After I saw that almost happen to Rocky this morning, I thought about what I would do with his little dead body. I have an unplanted spot in the bed in front of my bedroom window. I think I'll plant some sunflower seeds there this weekend and make that the highlight. But I could easily use it to bury Rocky. And then I thought about paying to have him cremated. That's about $75 or so. I can't stand the thought of his body decomposing and moldering around under ground. I've never been a fan of that type of burial. So cremation it is. Then I can keep him with the rest of us, in my family ashes collection. Yes, that will do. I'm glad I have that sorted out.
OK, that's it for me, I must go eat and then shower. So far, so good today.
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