9:32am Writing Practice 51° Boise
Don't know how long I can sit here today, I've got a dull ache in my left thigh about two inches above the back of my knee. Last night it was really hurting and it woke me up aching this morning but I moved around and it stopped. Have I been spending too much time sitting in this chair? I'll take my work to the studio in a bit and see if that helps. I have a card order to prepare and mail. Hopefully I won't be bothered by this ache in a different chair.
I have so much to do around here, I need to make a list. Wash cars, dig weeds, blow the back yard, buy plants and get them planted. It's been so chilly the last few days, I haven't gotten anything much done. I went to the gym with James yesterday and that was wonderful, as usual. We'll go again on Friday. I'm really feeling so much better, I expect to get myself moving soon and tackle these projects. I would love to get the peeling paint chipped off the concrete on the front porch and fix it up out there, make it more inviting. Then there's the back deck ... sheesh. Too much work to do and some of it takes money. I'm glad I didn't buy a new car a few weeks ago! What with the taxes I paid in April and my car repairs in May, I'm a little on the squeaky side until the next payday comes. However, I do have almost $3000 in savings, I can't complain and I can use some of that if I want to or need to get things moving forward.
I keep getting interrupted over at Facebook, messages ping through the iPad mini and then I have to go look and then get sidetracked. I need to let that be until I finish here. I know, easier said than done but I will do it.
Yesterday I got the idea for a self-help book to help others through their suicide grief. (There, a ping from FB, now another ... shit. I'm not going, I'm staying here!) In the afternoon I got a title that I like and I wrote it down: The Survivor's Guide to Suicide. I checked Amazon and that title is not there but there are plenty of books about suicide, seems to be a hot topic right now. That's good and bad, at the same time. I bought a Kindle book, another mother-written story of her son's suicide by train ... him standing on the tracks in front of an oncoming train. I've threatened that one before and now when I imagine Tim doing that, I can hear Stephen's wail of despair and I wonder if Tim did that, too. Or if he just stood watching the train come and stepped onto the tracks at the last minute. What a horrible way to die! I'm reading the story, Without Tim, a son's fall to suicide and a mother's rise from grief, on the Kindle. They had a mainstream family, Mom and Dad were both there, they had a stable life, no harsh moves to endure, no new friends to have to constantly make. Tim had two brothers and wasn't gay, none of them were. I have to read more to figure out what happened but I've now read two stories written by the mothers (Stephen's Moon is the other, I borrowed it from The Compassionate Friends library at the last meeting) and neither expressed the level of disruption our family endured, all the moves, Dad gone all the time, parents abusive and freely using alcohol. Stephen's Moon wasn't a suicide, or at least they didn't think it was. Driving into a tree at 3am at high speed sounds fishy to me but then, that's not my story. Tim and my Stephen left no doubt as to the causes of death.
OK, reading those other stories has given my courage to write my own and all I have to do is calm the fuck down and start in. Less drama, more story. I'm feeling less fearful and more inspired today. I've got the ocean and soothing music via YouTube on my TV and I love watching that. I'm going to wrap this up and get going. It's only 10:50am and I need breakfast and then some action!
No comments:
Post a Comment