The cats are out in this cold morning but the sun is shinning and it promises to be a nice day. I'm going to drive to Baker today and meet with the reunion committee, Debi Koller and Paula Taylor, at the Geiser Grand at 11am. We'll go over the reunion plans and decide some stuff and then have lunch. I'll have an egg before I go so I can hold out but no big breakfast for me today. And then at 1pm I'll sit in on Ray's one year review out at Step Forward. Afterward I'll offer to take him to Dairy Queen for a treat and then I go to Evy Sue's house and check on her cat, Rocket. Not sure he's going to make it even with all the colloidal silver and energy work. I should have put him on the healers list but I didn't. Today I'll see how he's doing and run energy right on him, see how he responds to that. Then she will follow me out to Kay's ranch where we will the baby goats. I'll take my camera.
This will be a big day, filled to the brim with people, animals and activities. I slept fine but not sure if I slept enough. I woke at 5:15, got my ASEA, peed, and then never quite got back to sleep. I must have dozed though, the time went fast and I was comfortable, for the most part. I won't get home until late and I will try to stop at Walmart on the way home for the groceries on my list. I hope I have energy for that. I'll be lucky to be back here by 9pm.
Yesterday I packed up and headed for the studio but got waylaid by the idea of a new car and drove out Fairview to check out the dealerships and see what cars they had. I sat in a few, talked to some salesmen but didn't fall in love. I still like the Fiat best. It's the only one that covers all the bases and fits my bike rack and get's great gas mileage and will take me into the future with a 5 speed transmission that can be flat towed behind an RV. Trouble is, I don't know how much I'm going to have to pay in taxes, how much of my stash will go away. I'll need a down payment of at least $2000. Right now that only leaves me with $1900 and maybe a little more after April 1st. Minus the $300 I have to leave in the account to hold it open. So hopefully I won't owe more that that. I've been saving all year and with the new debt consolidation I'm doing, I'll be able to save even more. I may be ready by June or July. There was a used Fiat, a 2013, red, available yesterday for under $10k. I wanted a blue one or a yellow one or even maybe a white one. Not another red car. But we'll see what happens when the time comes. I'm pretty sure I'm going to buy a new car soon, that's all I know for sure. And I'm keeping Sybil for now. I'm not ready to let her go yet. That was our car, the family car, Stephen and I spend many thousands of miles in that car. Gonna keep it a while longer, for now.
So I wrote out all the pill-popping part from 1971 suicide attempt by hand and have yet to transcribe it. Dang! I don't have a job and lord knows I don't clean house! What do I do all day? There just aren't enough hours in the day to suit me. Or I'm busy doing a whole lot of not much. That's probably the case, more than anything. But I really am looking forward to getting that typed up and put with the rest of the story and see how it reads and what needs to be added or taken away. As soon as I collapse onto my bed after taking all those pills in one big gulp, I want to begin the flashbacks ... but how much to tell? Should I go back to my first memory, trying to make pancakes for Gerald and I? How am I going to weave that religion into my dysfunctional family? Donna has to be in it and so does Louie Kingman and he's not going to like that. Tough. What can anyone do about it now after all these years? And I wasn't his student anymore when I finally got him into bed. Poor guy, he didn't stand a chance. But that was much later ... or a month later. July something, toward the end of the month. I'm surprised that I didn't write it down, the date that I lost my virginity to my great love, Louie Kingman. I was so mentally ill, it's hard to think of any of this now.
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