Diatribe and the 5 W's

10:33am                Writing Practice                    49°  Boise

Every single day I stall. I sit here and write whatever comes to mind and I don't write anything that could possibly go toward a book. Then, like this morning, I hear or read the stories of others and the magic weaving of the words, the musical taking-me-away-from-this-life-into-another swirls me away and I think, how do they do it? How did they think to write that sentence in just that way with just those words and descriptions, with just that dialog? I could never write that good, I say to myself, so I plop down here every morning and dash off whatever inane thoughts pop into my head and keep at it for a half hour or so and then I'm done for the day. I dust my hands off as if I've actually written something of value, pat myself on the back that I did it and off I go to the rest of my day without looking back. And I've been doing this in just this way for over ten years on a daily basis, over twenty years sporadically.

I sit here today shaking my head in wonder. I have written parts and pieces, I've collected quotes and titles and subtitles and I've outlined so many projects! And what do I have to show for any of it?! I've tried altering my sleep patterns, my schedule, when I get up, when I wash up and brush my teeth. I've fine-tuned my life, especially my mornings, in such a way as to accommodate the needs of a writer and yet, when I sit down to write, blather falls out the ends of my fingers and I let it go on as if timing the blather is all that's important, as if filling the pages with words is all that's important. My inner self wails at me, demanding to know:

WHEN will you give me a chance to write what needs to be written?! HOW can I convince you to get out of my fucking way and let me write this story?! WHAT are you so afraid of? WHO is stopping you? WHERE do you have to go to let me go and do my job? And lastly, WHY are you so willing to sit here day after day and not actually DO anything?

Well, as interesting as this diatribe is, it's not helping me get the job done. So what I'm going to do is get off here and open my scenes page and tackle that some more.

PS: I talked myself out of buying a car right now. I'll wait a few more months, until I find out about my taxes and get my debt consolidation done with the Sears card as such low interest. Then I'll see what that has done to my credit score and go from there. Because we all know I can't stand the idea of paying to much in interest.