Today would have been Stephen's 33rd birthday. I welled up a little in bed this morning but didn't spill over and so far I'm fine. I got a sweet text from James DuTois and then I sent a text telling Nathan simply, I love you. He sent me one back, Yay! I love you too! That made me very happy, since I so seldom hear from him. He doesn't know how much I've thought about ending it all the last few years but it's the thought of him and how much it would hurt him if I did that that keeps me here. He's had enough trauma in his life when it comes to me, he doesn't deserve that final insult.
To catch up, I've been writing in my pages because I've left this laptop at the studio several nights this past week. I have my iPad mini to play around with here in the evenings but I've been trying to spend less time on Facebook at night and not having the laptop here makes it easier.
I went to Baker on Wednesday to support Yvonne and Ray and had a big talk with Ray's case worker. She doesn't think much of Yvonne so I tried to enlighten her. I hope I didn't say too much ... I had a cup of real coffee with Sue when I first got to town and that stuff tends to make me giddy and flip. But I asked for help before I went in and I think I did OK, by and large. The best point I tried to make with her was, yes, Ray is the focus but Yvonne needs support and encouragement, too. She's had precious little of it in her life and she could use some now. She's doing a marvelous job with Ray but she feels picked on and judged and so is not part of the "team". Lisa, the case worker, was complaining that she wished Yvonne would be more open, let them in her house, let more people be involved with Ray. She doesn't realize that her very attitude about Yvonne is what is blocking the progress. Sad. Lisa is holding views that are counter-productive to the process of transition for all of them. She didn't want Ray to move from his 18 year home in Haines, isolated out there far from town and opportunities to be more social. Yvonne is taking him to the library and he has started reading again. No one had worked with him out there in all those years! This change could be so good if people would set aside the judgement and embrace Yvonne as a team member for Ray. I hope the energy will move in that direction as time goes by.
On the way home from Baker, I stopped at Walmart in Ontario and bought a new desktop computer, an Acer Aspire Z all-in-one. The whole computer is in the screen and it's heavy! But it's a nice, big screen and it will be very fun to edit photos on it. It's got Windows 10 as an operating system and I can purchase a Waterlogue for PC and play with all my large photo files. I plan to buy a wireless keyboard and mouse and I'll be able to sit back in my beanbag chair to compose stories. Although I could do that with this laptop as well, if I took along this lap board. I sure have gotten great use of this old lapboard. It used to have a pillow attached but the elastic that kept it attached wore out long ago and the pillow was tossed. I'll keep my eyes open for a new one so that I can have one for the studio as well.
I really like it at my studio! I was thinking of leaving the laptop at home but I think I'll take it. The headset for the speech recognition program only works with this laptop. Plus it might take me a while to get everything moved over the the new desktop. I plan to go over after breakfast today and see if the wifi is fixed. It was out yesterday and so I didn't get too far in my set up. The new computer was only $349, no tax in Oregon which saved me over $20. I figure it's our birthday present to us, Stephen. I know it's not a Mac but that would be going too far. Now we have a desktop and a laptop and an iPad mini, we should be good to go for just about anything.
I looked at a car I kinda like yesterday. It's a 2007 Pontiac Vibe, a little hatchback SUV sort of thing, dark blue-gray, Ray's favorite color. 105k miles, not too high., really about average miles. A one owner, local family. It's in great condition and the price is under $6000. I just checked Kelly Blue Book and this is a good price for that car. I may go drive it today. Why not? That car might just fit the bill for me perfectly. I could finance it for 3 years and have a payment of about $150 a month if I put $1000 down and offer them $5500 as a sale price. It's got good tires and I wonder if I should have it checked out by my auto guys at Gary's? I'll call and ask. I was looking at the Vibe back in 2006 when they first came out. Very interesting idea. My total debts right now are about $3000 (not including my mortgage) and that's after almost 4 years since my bankruptcy. Not bad. My credit score has been 694 for several years, also not bad. I could see about getting qualified for a car loan but I'll need another 4 years in order to fully recover my credit. I may have to just eat a high interest rate for a while and if the monthly payment is right, not worry about it.
OK, seems like I'm all set to have a good day on this important anniversary. It's chilly and cloudy today, a good day to stay in and work on things but let's go see about that car first. Then this weekend I have to clean house for the party on Monday. Don't know what kind of cake I'll make this time ... maybe something from scratch .... we'll see. I'll be ready for a party by Monday with a nice, clean house. And maybe a new (to me) car.
Mama loves you, honey.
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