Short Random Post

9:17am                           Writing Practice                         44°  Boise

This morning while lying in bed with my therapy ball under my neck, I had a horrible dizzy attack. The world went all sideways and my stomach lurched and I sat up real quick until it settled and then laid back down. And it came again, swirling around me like a kaleidoscope in action and then settling down. I laid there for a bit with my hand under my neck wondering what was causing it. My ears, I decided. I need to clean out my ears again, they feel a little stuffy. Finally I sat up to get up and was slammed yet again with the swirling dizzies and it receded but even now I can feel the slight threat of their return. It's a bit unnerving. This is a first and I hope it doesn't last!

I woke up with a book title screaming in my head. Well, maybe not screaming but insistent: Where the Red Fern Grows. I remembered that Stephen read that book in 3nd grade at the school off base in Alameda when we lived on San Diego Rd, 1991-92. As I woke and thought of the book, the first thing that flashed through my mind was Tucker, Wally's brother. Then I remembered that I read the book too, and found it so sad and bittersweet ... maybe Stephen wants me to read it again. Perhaps there's something in the book that I need to see or revisit in order to...

I wrote in my journal with a pen over the weekend and I got six pages on Saturday with more story of my first suicide attempt. Now I need to take it to the studio and transcribe it with my headphones and speech recognition program. I have a whole bunch of things to transcribe in my journals but that's the only relevant one for right now.

Excerpt from an article about suicide:
(The person was not jumping from the building to die, but rather to escape the intense and consuming flames.  Nobody would accuse that person of being selfish or of giving up on life.

Jay was inside a figurative burning building and he happened upon an exit.  His deep need to survive caused him to take it.  Many who turn to suicide are in physical, emotional or spiritual pain.  I don’t think they seek death.  Instead, they seek escape, so that their identity and intelligence can survive.)